behindthec: (ryden.)
[personal profile] behindthec
Title: Back To The Place
Author: [livejournal.com profile] lolab 
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fiction as far as I know.
Words: ~93,000
Summary:  Once upon a time, Panic went to a cabin in the mountains to write an album they never made. One night there, something happened that Ryan tried to forget. Two years later, he still hasn't.
Notes: Post-cabin cabin fic.  I realize how morbid my summary sounds, like he got attacked by a rapist or something.  I promise this'll make you smile lots with minimal angst: just boys being their stupid selves.  I've never written epic straight-up Brendon/Ryan, so this is a treat. Epic thanks to [livejournal.com profile] redorchids for sharing my brain/soul contributing several scenes, endlessly brainstorming the last few chapters with me, and creating the official trailer.
 _____________________

Brendon thinks maybe that's what makes life interesting, the collision of endless questions and answers,
and those precious moments of triumph when we can match the right ones together.


Chapter 1      |    Chapter 2     |     Chapter 3     |     Chapter 4

Chapter 5     |    Chapter 6     |     Chapter 7     |     Chapter 8



Track Listing (in no order):

- Straight Lines - Silverchair
- Layla (acoustic) - Eric Clapton
- Cello Suite No. 1 (Prelude) - Bach
- Piano Concerto No. 1 (Romance Larghetto) - Chopin
- La Campanella - Liszt
- Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
- Across The Universe - The Beatles
- All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
- All The Small Things - Blink 182
- Bounce - The Cab
- Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
- Canon in D - Pachelbel
- Stop Whispering - Radiohead

Resources:

- A primer of sorts on chakra meditation.
- A list/diagram of common yoga postures.
- Wikipedia's Zen primer.
- One of the most practical, easy to read books on Zen meditation. It's fantastic, even out of the context of this story.
- My city's own historic square (and pics I took myself), after which I subconsciously modeled "town" in this fic.
- Courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] yrclndstnlvr, a List of Evidence that Ryan's stalking this fic. :P
- A vague approximation of the cabin floorplan.
- Chapter 8 artwork by [livejournal.com profile] camatie.
- The fic's Q&A post.
- A tiny prequel (best if read after the fic, IMO).

Acknowledgments:

Thanks to all who've helped/inspired/amused me in some way: [livejournal.com profile] livinglifeloud, [livejournal.com profile] selectivelyurie, [livejournal.com profile] alphabetatoast, [livejournal.com profile] j_plash, [livejournal.com profile] redorchids, [livejournal.com profile] bunniesontoast, [livejournal.com profile] ivesia19, [livejournal.com profile] the_randomist, [livejournal.com profile] minus_four, [livejournal.com profile] takkatakkatakka.


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(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thewayudoitt.livejournal.com
-flips a shit-
:DDD

this makes me so happy, dude, you have no idea.
now im probably gonna have to listen to that acoustic.. and every pretty song on thereee.<3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 03:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
LOL OH CRAP, i just told helen to come get FC. XD you beat her.

but yay! it makes me happy too. enjoy the music. ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 04:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bunniesontoast.livejournal.com
it doesn't matter than i didn't get FC, because I am Helen. and my comment space is where it's AT.
i am my own FC.
lol.

<3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bunniesontoast.livejournal.com
also, ELIZA JAZZ TEACHER.
eliza dushku FTW.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-16 04:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] bunniesontoast.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-16 04:41 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-16 04:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] bunniesontoast.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-16 04:40 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2009-02-16 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aspiring2be.livejournal.com
-Hyperventilating-Oh my god. Yay! -waiting, waiting, waiting, dying, dying, dying.- DUDE!!!!!! Sry, I’m just really excited about this. I really wanna read it!

Ps.I love the Zen vibe I’m getting. I’m assuming it has a part to play in the story which is pretty fucking rad.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
:D YAY! first chapter should be up in a week or so?

i'm so glad! it definitely has a big part, and we get to use it to make fun of ryan a LOT, which is a big plus.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 04:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aspiring2be.livejournal.com
Making fun of The twig(Ryan)! That is always a good thing! So, just a heads up, I'm gonna be stalking your page for the whole next week. lol.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
:D lol dude, you know you can go to my profile and click on the "Track this user" or whatever link, and it'll send you an email notification whenever i update. ;)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] aspiring2be.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-16 05:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lplilly93.livejournal.com
JESUS! I can't wait for this whole thing to start. It's like I'm waiting for Christmas Eve or something, omg. :D
Great. I already love it! And this time, I'm with you from the start, yay!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
:D i'm so happy you're excited! i hope it will not disappoint.

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From: [identity profile] lplilly93.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-16 05:20 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2009-02-16 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stelaclaudi.livejournal.com
*shits bricks* ASFGBIAHDFA!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
\o/ :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 06:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] selectivelyurie.livejournal.com
\\o//

I am entirely too excited for this. You don't even know.

It's going to be wonderful, of this I am certain :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
YAY! i sure hope so. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monamour-x.livejournal.com
yay! *twirls*

and you have no idea how excited i am for this:

Cello Suite No. 1 (Prelude) - Bach

its one of my favorite peices ever. though, i'm pissed because there's this movie coming out called, like...The Soloist or something? and that song is in it so everyone's probably gonna be like "OHH HOW PRETTY!!!" and then flail over it and just. >:/

i still have hard feelings over the fact that twilight totally ruined Clair De Lune. :/

I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!! now i shall go read/comment your other fics. :P

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
ME TOO.

yeah, i know, it's a piece that's been slightly overused, but i plan to ~reinvent it. ;)

<3 ily bb. will respond to your emails soon; i'm just in such a writing mood atm that i have to honor it.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 08:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oneshotglances.livejournal.com
i'm so happy. i am a huge sucker for brendon and ryan. AND CLASSICAL MUSIC. asdfkaslfdsak;fdsaf.

i can already tell, this will be precious.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 08:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
hooray! i hope you'll like it. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kayxluvsxcoffee.livejournal.com
Bah. Can't wait for this -grins-

And ohai classical music. <3 Lol I'm such a band geek...

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
\o/ <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] candiedpeaches.livejournal.com
COMMENT SPACE.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
on the master post?? LOL you guys are so weird. XD

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] candiedpeaches.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:24 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-16 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wtfxslutface.livejournal.com
Fuck
I am sooooooooooo excited.
XD
<333333

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
\o/ :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gothicduckie6.livejournal.com
boooo comment space
I'm epically excited for this fic
maybe not as much as pwf, but I seriously doubt ANYTHING in life can top that. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 01:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
haha. i can't imagine anything being crazier than pwf. i miss it. but i am very excited for this one too, so i hope it won't disappoint!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] gothicduckie6.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:32 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 02:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hug-a-hippo.livejournal.com
*runs in circles flailing arms*
You got me all excited when I saw the post but then there was no Chapter One! EVIL COLIN!!!
haha jk, I'm still so stoked for this :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 12:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
\o/ LOL SORRY. i had to get this down for my own organizational OCD issues. ch 1 should be up by the end of the week, i'd hope.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] hug-a-hippo.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 05:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maddylonglegs.livejournal.com
I am obviously made of fail, as I can't find the first cabinfic. Link?

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 05:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j-plash.livejournal.com
There is no first cabinfic :P

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 12:09 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] maddylonglegs.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 03:01 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 03:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] maddylonglegs.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 03:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stereotypeloser.livejournal.com
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] stereotypeloser.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:36 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] stereotypeloser.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:38 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:40 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] stereotypeloser.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 01:43 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j-plash.livejournal.com
Chopin, Liszt and properly researched meditation. You make me so happy ;D Much love, and much anticipation! Hope you're excited about starting to post; you already know everyone else is :P

(I am working on your pron. It is coming slowly :P Mainly 'cause I'm spending 90% of my time making replica Pete clothing for the FOB concert *sheepish grin*)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 12:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
\o/!!! the research wasn't for me, but rather the readers. LOL. i kind of surprised myself by how much of it i remembered back when i was really into that stuff. and then i got mad at myself, b/c i need, and want, to get back into it. i'm hoping this fic will give me that push.

i am very excited about starting to post; first chapter is about halfway done and i kind of love it, even though it feels different from other things i've written, and i am still worried i'm going to screw it up somehow. my main concern, as always, is i can't seem to make it concise, but then i start thinking, this isn't *meant* to be concise; it's meant to be slow and lazy and epically detailed, because the *development* is the most important part of this story. it's just, i'm hoping my chapters don't turn into upwards of 10k words. lol.

OMG THAT'S AWESOME. YOU MUST SEND ME WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY, OR I WILL DIE. ALSO YAY PETE CLOTHES!!!!!!!!!!!! i see them in april. :D

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] sbryan0219.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 04:12 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-17 04:19 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] j-plash.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-18 01:54 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] j-plash.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-18 01:53 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-18 02:45 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] j-plash.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-18 04:07 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-18 04:17 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 08:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] panicobracademy.livejournal.com
fdsjfksjdlkasd


YOGA?
MEDITATION?
ZEN?
WITH RYAN AND BRENDON?
holy SHIT i'm pumped. fdsjklfdsjfl
djklfasd


ANOTHER COLIN EPIC FIC
it almost hasn't hit me yet how amazing this will be. god.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-17 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
YAY. i'm so glad. :D i hope it won't disappoint.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-21 05:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] losingmy-sanity.livejournal.com
i just got around to reading this page and now i'm even more stoked than before

CLASSICAL MUSIC AND FREAKING YOGA!?

i had this huge thing with yoga at the beginning of high school and i'm just starting to get back into it. so this is amazingly well timed on your part xP

and i've always been a sucker for classical music. i was a ballerina for the first 12 years of my life xD i was convinced i was the next Anna Pavlova. and then i got tall lol.

anyway YAY CLASSICAL ZEN-NESS!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-21 12:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
\o/ i'm glad you're starting to get back into it; i am too, and i feel like this fic is weirdly inspiring it. :P

i used to do ballet too! hooray! *twirls you around*

(ugh, it's 7:20 on a saturday morning, fml)

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-02-21 05:00 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] losingmy-sanity.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-21 05:03 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-21 07:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drunknballerina.livejournal.com
ohhhhhhh. through a detour i strangely enough stumbled in here, and, well, CHAKRA MEDITATION ♥
i used to do this great guided one with my mother all the time, and you reminded me now, and..
*goes to find cd*
so THANKS.

also, it makes me happy that this shit is in the ficcc, already it's so.. *flail* perfect? idek.
um, also, ohmygod, i know about danceteachercrushes. last year my ballet teacher was this gorgeous italian woman, ngh. she was awesome.
and eh. lastly, you know, do you have some sort of idea how long it's going to take before you finish this? 'cause i'm leaving for a month in about four weeks, and wow, i'd hate it if this'd stay unfinished in my head for that time. not that that'd stop me from reading, but it'd just be nice to know.
..if you don't know, that's obviously fine and logical and i should totally stop typing now.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-21 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
AWESOME. just writing this is getting me back into it. i'm happy.

well, ideally i'd post a chapter a week, but i don't want to rush this fic, so. idk. but there's no way it'll be done by the time you leave. :/ maybe when you get back...

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] drunknballerina.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-02-22 07:15 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-22 12:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alphabetatoast.livejournal.com
*flails*

Oh, I see my name up there! Thanks bb. <3333
I actually gotta kinda go to sleep now as it's nearly 1am. *sigh*
Xx

(no subject)

Date: 2009-02-22 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
this didn't show up on your flist again, did it? it shouldn't have... even though i edited the date (i figure it's easier for me to keep it on top of my blog for now). i don't want it clogging flists though. lol.

sweet dreams!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-01 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ajesterofsorts.livejournal.com
Just to get it out of the way in case I ramble horribly off subject, I think you're the most amazing person I've ran across on lj; Ever.

I actually joined the site so I could properly comment and all that jazz.

I absolutely adore how you portray Ryan, especially in this story. And Bden is his hilarious, so-adorable-he-should-be-illegal self.
I love how you work out the relationship between them and I can't wait to see what you end up throwing in along the way.
Oh, and the yoga? That's amazing.
I don't feel so odd doing it now that I can have the mental image of Ryan doing it too.
I'm eagerly awaiting the new chapters.

Oh, but your island story itself was just amazing. Despite being fiction, it seemed so realistic.
The vivid detail -- seriously, I could probably never put so much work into a fic like that -- the emotions that even managed to get to me a few times, leaving me near tears and on the edge of my seat.
I fell off my seat once or twice too, if I remember correct. Your sense of humor is just perfect.
I've never been able to read something and laugh so hard like that.

Um. I'm going to make myself shut up now, because I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post all of this.
Just. . .wanted to tell you a few things.
If my headache wasn't being such a pain, I'm sure I would have rambled more, but I think I got the main points across.
Stupid caffeine addiction. Argh.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-01 04:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
thank you so much! that was so nice to hear; i've had the worst couple of days but this made me smile.

i'm very glad you're enjoying the fic. and the planewreckfic too. i kinda miss that one. but i'm glad this one's making people happy, so. :)

sorry, this isn't very eloquent; i'm tired and hungover. but thanks so much, it's nice to meet you!

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-03-01 05:37 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] ajesterofsorts.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-03-01 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-05 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] notyourshot.livejournal.com
yo, the 'Layla' link is faily.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] notyourshot.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-03-06 12:49 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-13 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] candiedpeaches.livejournal.com
i'm going to finally start reading this now.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-14 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fleurdelisee.livejournal.com
This sounds good :D:D

I will read when I have the time, hopefully soon!

*adds to friends list*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-03-15 03:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolab.livejournal.com
thank you! i hope you enjoy it. :)
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