behindthec: (slash)
i'll get around to comments/emails hopefully later today.  i just don't feel like doing anything right now.  it's been a pretty shitty weekend.  but i'll be starting chapter 5 hopefully today.  i'm still planning my peterick in the meantime (subject line = my title, i think), though i'm not gonna write it immediately; i've never written them and i'm not too big into FOB fandom so i'll need more info first.  for instance:

- did patrick have a girlfriend around this time last year?  if so, what was her name?  were they living together?  any info is helpful.
- just to clarify, pete and patrick do both live in LA, right?  fairly close to each other?  and pete was living with ashlee at this time?

if you have links to any primers/manifestos for them, that would be helpful too.  i haven't written any of it yet, but this bit came to me in the car this morning and it made me smile, which is really something for me right now:

sad!nostalgic!pete: *sighs; snuggles up to pat* remember when we were young?
tolerant!patient!patrick: *smirk* i remember when i was young.  you were never young.

and then a convo about how jailbaity patrick was (15 or 16 when he joined the band) and how pete was already old and creepy and stuff.  so i'm looking forward to it.

completely unrelated: one hole i've noticed so far in this whole zen thing... and i'm sure there are answers for this, but i haven't gotten to them yet, i guess: it's about learning the willingness to be in the moment, whatever the moment is, to accept it and embrace it as your path.  but.  where is the balance?  like, say a woman is in a relationship where her husband comes home drunk and beats her up every night?  is she supposed to say, "well, this is my path, so i accept it."  extreme example, obviously, but where is the line?  like, i get that using all your control strategies to try to change your life to your expectations is bad, because it won't give you the fulfillment you want and just end up frustrating you in the end, but when is it all right to say, "i don't want my life this way, so i'm going to change it"?  how do you know when it's healthier to do that than just say, "i accept this as it is"?  this is one thing i'm very fuzzy on.  discuss?

happy monday.

behindthec: (tomrad)

had an unusually lovely day, filled with meditation and browsing of zen books at b&n (as you may've noticed via twitter) and buying a hot-pink harness for pete (who is a pretty pretty princess) so we could take him out in this gorgeous weather.

FIC UPDATE: today in the car i made the executive decision that my next project is going to be william/tom. i'm going to base it on the fm&mk sequel that i will never write, b/c fm&mk was my first fic and it was so embarrassingly mediocre; i don't want to be associated with it anymore. but i love the premise for the sequel so much that i'm going to write it as a present-day fic on its own, leading up to the current academy/empires tour, possibly. i am so, so excited i get to use the plot; it's kind of awesome. so, look for that after pccf. i'm pretty sure my title's still going to be overexposed.

anonymous comment on ch 3 sez: I know you're a big fan of adding canon (o hai Ayn Rand reference!) to your fic so I felt like I should mention that Brendon is actually a big fan of Silverchair! Ryan has said before that Brendon has been listening to them since the early days and they both have mentioned loving the last album. :)

FML. they would love the last album; they're so gay, jesus. i love how it's anonymous, too. that's totally ross stalkin' me again, tryin' to make sure i don't portray him inaccurately. :P (i'm impressed this is my only mistake. i'm good.)

drunk vid 1 and drunk vid 2 are up. they're so lame; we're barely drunk.  but, i'm in my camouflage boxer briefs, so.

on a side note, [ profile] selectivelyurie and i have been emailing each other pictures of koalas and plotting our epic panic! at the zoo AU in capslock. it's made of so many kinds of win. we're talking pete as the crazy reptile dude, brendon and jon as zookeeper bffs in little steve irwin shorts and sneakers, and ryan and spence as snooty businessmen in italian loafers who come to rescue the zoo from the shit economy and ~revolutionize the way it's run, which includes new rules that everyone hates (like brendon and jon not being allowed to sing/play guitar for the animals every night). brendon has instant heart eyes for ryan despite ryan's assholery, and jon and spencer wind up in a very physical, supply closet-based relationship, while pete pines over patrick the zoo gift shop owner, and brendon attempts to give ryan a koala as a courtship gift, which ryan declines.

off to take schmexy pics of keri now. don't worry, i'll share. ;)

behindthec: (piano)
on control. )

today i get to write pccf's first big fight. so excited! there's nothing i love better than brendon and ryan arguing; wtf is wrong with me. thanks to everyone who suggested songs; i'm kind of a loser; i realized too late that i really needed the song to be sexy on some level, so i couldn't pick something redonk like "womanizer." but the scene turned out great; i think you'll like. ch 3 should be up in the next few days.

go read my latest twitter. i can't stop laughing at myself. as becca would say, i'm such a goober.

also, [ profile] ivesia19 is my homeboy. or something. but she wrote this, and GUH, so go read it, and help me on my mission to drag her out of her OTP prison. XD

behindthec: (emo pride)
Resistance comes in many forms: not wanting to sit in meditation, choosing to spin off into our mental world, suppressing or avoiding emotional pain, finding fault with ourselves and our lives.  No matter what form it takes, resistance brings no peace.  Whatever we resist we actually strengthen, because we solidify it, empowering it to stay in our life.

But the opposite is also true.  When we begin to cultivate the willingness to be with life as it is, regardless of whether we like it, our relationship to what we've avoided begins to change.  (Bayda 34)

if i'm not around as regularly for awhile, not updating fic as quickly as normal, or if i'm shit at answering comments/emails/texts/calls... it's because i'm working on this.

last night i had a breakdown of sorts, which is nothing new, but this is the first time i've forced myself to actually do something about it.  today i called in sick and i'm going to sit and read this book again, because i can see i desperately need it.


behindthec: (Default)

May 2009

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