OH GOD OH GOD I KNOW ME TOO. IT HAS TO HAPPEN. SOMEHOW. WE WILL FIND A WAY. THIS IS SUPER-INDULGENT SLAVEFIC. IF YOU WANT IT, IT HAPPENS :P
LIKE, LIKE, SO...so Ryan's just there, sitting up on the bed, and the stuff I said before's been said, and Brendon's done his 'I meant it' thing, and Ryan just can't cope. It's too much. He's confused, he's lost, he's dangerously close to hoping and he can't, he can't, and he braces his arms against the bed, digs his fingers into the mattress, looks at his hands and just breathes, just tries to breathe, but it's too much, it's all too much, and he can't, he can't, he doesn't know anymore, he doesn't understand, and he's breathing too fast, he's starting to hyperventilate, and Brendon's kind of caught in the middle of the room, not wanting to push the boundaries, not wanting to come into that space, but Ryan's not listening, he's saying Ryan's name, begging him to calm down but Ryan's not even hearing him, until Brendon snaps and rushes across the room, sits on the very edge of the bed, puts his hands on top of Ryan's where they're pressing too hard into the sheets and begs "Ryan, Ryan listen to me, Ry, come on, calm down, it's okay..." And Ryan looks up, or he lifts his head at least, Brendon can't tell if he's looking, but Ryan lifts his eyes, and, his breath stops, the hyperventilating, it stops, and he's not breathing at all, just staring, eyes too wide, confusion, confusion and fear, fear above all else, fear because he needs control, he always, always knows exactly what's going on because that's all he has, and now that's gone, he doesn't understand, he doesn't know what's happening or where it's going or what he can trust, and he just stares for one moment, one moment of not breathing that Brendon thinks is never going to break...and then Ryan crumples, all the tension leaving him like a cut rope, sobbing silently, shaking, and Brendon knows it's a bad idea, knows he shouldn't, but he can't go back across the room and watch Ryan sob into the sheets, he just can't...so he stays, takes his hands from on top of Ryan's and slowly, slowly wraps his arms around Ryan's shoulders, holds him, just loosely, just holding him together, not holding him there, but just stopping him falling apart. And Ryan makes some unidentifiable noise, an almost silent whimper of something, but he doesn't pull away, just shakes, and shakes and shakes, and sobs quietly into Brendon's shoulder when Brendon shifts a little closer. And Brendon holds him, and prays. He prays for a plan. He prays for some way to become clear, some way he can get Ryan out of here, and help him, and fix this. And when nothing comes, when no god descends to give him answers, he just keeps holding on, and whispers promises into Ryan's hair, promises it's all going to be okay, somehow, and keeps on praying that somehow, it'll be true.
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LIKE, LIKE, SO...so Ryan's just there, sitting up on the bed, and the stuff I said before's been said, and Brendon's done his 'I meant it' thing, and Ryan just can't cope. It's too much. He's confused, he's lost, he's dangerously close to hoping and he can't, he can't, and he braces his arms against the bed, digs his fingers into the mattress, looks at his hands and just breathes, just tries to breathe, but it's too much, it's all too much, and he can't, he can't, he doesn't know anymore, he doesn't understand, and he's breathing too fast, he's starting to hyperventilate, and Brendon's kind of caught in the middle of the room, not wanting to push the boundaries, not wanting to come into that space, but Ryan's not listening, he's saying Ryan's name, begging him to calm down but Ryan's not even hearing him, until Brendon snaps and rushes across the room, sits on the very edge of the bed, puts his hands on top of Ryan's where they're pressing too hard into the sheets and begs "Ryan, Ryan listen to me, Ry, come on, calm down, it's okay..."
And Ryan looks up, or he lifts his head at least, Brendon can't tell if he's looking, but Ryan lifts his eyes, and, his breath stops, the hyperventilating, it stops, and he's not breathing at all, just staring, eyes too wide, confusion, confusion and fear, fear above all else, fear because he needs control, he always, always knows exactly what's going on because that's all he has, and now that's gone, he doesn't understand, he doesn't know what's happening or where it's going or what he can trust, and he just stares for one moment, one moment of not breathing that Brendon thinks is never going to break...and then Ryan crumples, all the tension leaving him like a cut rope, sobbing silently, shaking, and Brendon knows it's a bad idea, knows he shouldn't, but he can't go back across the room and watch Ryan sob into the sheets, he just can't...so he stays, takes his hands from on top of Ryan's and slowly, slowly wraps his arms around Ryan's shoulders, holds him, just loosely, just holding him together, not holding him there, but just stopping him falling apart. And Ryan makes some unidentifiable noise, an almost silent whimper of something, but he doesn't pull away, just shakes, and shakes and shakes, and sobs quietly into Brendon's shoulder when Brendon shifts a little closer. And Brendon holds him, and prays. He prays for a plan. He prays for some way to become clear, some way he can get Ryan out of here, and help him, and fix this. And when nothing comes, when no god descends to give him answers, he just keeps holding on, and whispers promises into Ryan's hair, promises it's all going to be okay, somehow, and keeps on praying that somehow, it'll be true.