Ryan's...quiet again. Slow. Spencer's breath slows sympathetically, too tuned to Ryan right now, way too pinned to Ryan, and...and he doesn't know what to say. At all. It's several more seconds of slow, of settling breathing, of after before Ryan's eyes shift slowly, so slowly, back to Spencer, and he blinks, and he's not looking past anymore. He looks...soft. Not--fuck, soft? Spencer glares at himself, but...he's not tense. He's just...puzzled, just there, not curled up and cringing and tight, and...and Spencer's never really seen that. Even Ryan's words are soft. "I didn't think you'd...really do it." Spencer opens his mouth automatically to go back to apologising, oh god, 'cause, but--but Ryan said not to. And...and he looks...he doesn't look hurt. And Spencer doesn't have a clue where he stands, and the last thing he wants... "Could...would you..." Ryan looks down at the dirt. "We could try...that again? If you...I--I wasn't ready that time." At least half of Spencer melts, while the other half wildly attempts to contain what is apparently a vast previously undiscovered ocean of thoughtlessness and selfishness and lack of self control. "Ryan, you...we...don't have to." Ryan tenses at that--bites his lip--Spencer internally scolds his weak half to stop being completely ridiculous--but Spencer can see him breathing through it, see him thinking, and the tension relaxes again, a little. His voice is just a little stronger. "I want to. I..." the hesitation is there in his body, in the nervous twist of his fingers, the flick of his eyes up and down, behind him, over to the far wall, back to Spencer. "I just want to try."
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It's several more seconds of slow, of settling breathing, of after before Ryan's eyes shift slowly, so slowly, back to Spencer, and he blinks, and he's not looking past anymore. He looks...soft. Not--fuck, soft? Spencer glares at himself, but...he's not tense. He's just...puzzled, just there, not curled up and cringing and tight, and...and Spencer's never really seen that. Even Ryan's words are soft. "I didn't think you'd...really do it."
Spencer opens his mouth automatically to go back to apologising, oh god, 'cause, but--but Ryan said not to. And...and he looks...he doesn't look hurt. And Spencer doesn't have a clue where he stands, and the last thing he wants...
"Could...would you..." Ryan looks down at the dirt. "We could try...that again? If you...I--I wasn't ready that time."
At least half of Spencer melts, while the other half wildly attempts to contain what is apparently a vast previously undiscovered ocean of thoughtlessness and selfishness and lack of self control. "Ryan, you...we...don't have to."
Ryan tenses at that--bites his lip--Spencer internally scolds his weak half to stop being completely ridiculous--but Spencer can see him breathing through it, see him thinking, and the tension relaxes again, a little. His voice is just a little stronger. "I want to. I..." the hesitation is there in his body, in the nervous twist of his fingers, the flick of his eyes up and down, behind him, over to the far wall, back to Spencer. "I just want to try."