behindthec | "THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE BOYS! THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT!"

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"THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE BOYS! THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT!"

cut for hugeness, polls, brainstorming, recs, etc.

a few recs:

http://dys-topia.livejournal.com/4819.html
SHE WROTE IT!!!!!!!!! *dances* don't ask me why i like this pairing; it is too complex to explain. HOWEVER, everyone must write it now, in order to win my eternal love. please please please please please??

http://emmuzka.livejournal.com/296825.html
this is really disturbing, but amazing. read the warnings. i would LOVE a sequel.

http://community.livejournal.com/diedandreborn/46037.html
utterly delicious. oh god. more of this forever. sleepysex with top!ryan is my favourite. nnngggghh.

random, but BEST MOTHERFUCKING ICON EVER.

the_randomist... ily.

also totally random, but something popped up in my gmail ads yesterday and it took me a moment to figure out why, and it's because the following line is in chapter 8 (i write all fic in gmail drafts): "Brendon steps outside, out the glass doors and down the path, past the hammock until his bare feet meet sun-warmed wood." HERE IS THE SCREENSHOT:

can't stop laughing, omfg!

so, okay. i really wish people wouldn't go anon just to tell me something they think i don't want to hear. (exception being when i know who you are but for privacy reasons you go anon to say something; that's FINE). if you go anon just to say something you're afraid to say logged in (said exception aside), dude, i'm not going to dislike you for expressing your opinion, especially when it's done nicely. i respect all opinions expressed maturely and politely. i don't care what you say to me; i have no idea who you are; even non-anon you're still just an icon and a username. we're all open and friendly here. don't be afraid.

i hate how so many people here seem to be (and often admit to once being) intimidated by me. what the hell is so off-putting about me? i talk to everyone. i answer every comment, message, and email (eventually). i hold open house posts for lurkers, where i've made some of my best friends. how am i intimidating? i don't get it. :(

i also i wanted to reply publicly to that comment about biting off more than i can chew, fic-wise, to explain how i write. first off, i am not planning on writing all these fics at once. :P i'll be choosing one, and the others will be put on hold. the way i work is, i have to write whatever fic i am obsessed with at the time. so i may have tons of ideas and planned-out fics in my mind, but when i actually sit down and commit to something, it has to be what i'm excited/obsessed/passionate about at that given moment; once i actually start writing it, i generally stay obsessed till i finish. this is why i so rarely take prompts or requests, and when i do, i make a huge prompt post and pick the one i connect with most. i have to really *want* to write the fic; i can't write based on what you guys want or when. for it to turn out well, it has to be what i want, when i want it. that sounds so selfish, but that's the only way it works. otherwise i won't enjoy it, and the quality will suffer. make sense?

also, the reason i'm so excited about this fic is because it would be my first real AU, and you know i've always been very meh about AUs in the past b/c they don't feel real to me, and i'm big on canon. but canon is stressing me out too much lately; i'm too attached to it, too affected by it, too dependent on it; i think it would be really emotionally healthy for me to write something that i have complete control over; where it doesn't matter if ryan's doing coke IRL or brendon has a girlfriend. plus i think it's a very important transitional step for me to take if i ever want to write original fiction someday, which i do. plus it's just indulgent and FUN, and i want fic to be fun again.

so, there's my reasoning.

moving on! okay, so clearly, there are as many people for kilts as against them. i personally still find them kind of ridiculous, though the fact that someone mentioned they were generally worn without underwear is a definite plus. idk. what do you think? feel free to post photographic support for your opinion in the comments, otherwise i'm going with no.

[Poll #1384130]

i could always set this in ireland too, considering i have a much stronger mental memory of irish accents than i do scottish (and i even PREFER irish accents). We went with scottish b/c sara had heard that ryan is part scottish, and we know brendon is, but… idk, i could definitely go irish. thoughts?

[Poll #1384131]

also, bagpipes are out; i just went with them initially 'cause it was obvious. :P pianos, so much sexier than bagpipes. also, my first historical request: what other instruments were there in late 19th century scotland? anything guitar-esque? AUs are much easier for me to swallow (lol) if they maintain the basic canon of the characters being musicians. i want ryan to play something. also, i have some ideas for what to do with jon and spence and other bandom peeps, but if you have thoughts for them, let's hear it. i'm considering a side of joncer, maybe. idk. kinda cliche.

last night before bed my brain developed about 2k worth of dialogue for this fic, which is. a very good or very bad thing. some more brainstorming with soph last night:

Sophie: me: AND BY "THE WORLD" HE MEANS "MY DICK"
Sophie: WELL YES
lols
me: YESSSSS :D
or maybe oh god
5:11 PM
maybe he and brendon had this adorable ~courtship before
and they ksised and stuff
but never actually had sex
and before they could, ryan was sold as a slave!
Sophie: awww
me: so when they meet up again years later, they get to have their first time!
Sophie: i think they should flirt
me: total epic faily flirting
Sophie: def
me: brenodn can bring him fucking FLOWERS and stuff
5:12 PM
Sophie: omgggggg
and Ryan's all blushy and Idk-what-to-do-with-this-affection
me: i knowwwwww
Sophie: but also smiley
me: and they have to run off to the park at night to be alone, 'cause, ryan's dad
5:13 PM
Sophie: yess
and pls bden has to hrow pebbles at ryan's window
me: OF COURSE.
and climb the tree to his window while wearing his kilt :D
Sophie: AND RYAN CLIMBS DOWN AND IS FAILY AND BDEN HAS TO CATCH HIM
me: YES!!!!
5:14 PM
and they are all tangled and blushy on the ground
Sophie: like in the making of that green gentleman video
me: :LSKEJR:LIEFE YES!!!!!
that gif makes my life
Sophie: and bden's just like eeeeeeeee, I caught a ryro
gif?
i has no gif
just the dvd lol
me: EEEEEEE
oh, well, gifs of it have been made lol
5:15 PM
Sophie: well. yes
AND THE MOON IS OUT. AND RYAN IS PRETTY. AND BRENDON IS LIKE "... you're pretty"
5:16 PM
and it is cold so he has to give ryan is coat
except then ryan is a girl
lol
i fail at making them boys
me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
THEY DONT' HAVE TO BE BOYS IN THIS
THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT
Sophie: YESSSSSS \o/
5:17 PM
maybe they should nearly kiss but then Ryan sez he has to go home
and Bden thinks they can ~nxt time
and then Ryan gets made a sex slave
me: AWWWWWWWWWWWW
ASKLERJAOFAPO3I
nooooo!!!
they have to have one kiss!!!
5:18 PM
Sophie: hahaha
fiiiiine
is your fic
lol
me: ONE KISS
BEFORE YEARS OF MISERY
come on
i just need to figure out how he gets all ~stolen. or if his father ends up broke and actually sells him. :/
5:19 PM
Sophie: HAHA I SEX OK
UM. SEZ
me: HAHAHAHA
you sex okay
Sophie: i do ok
i thinks he gets sold :/
me: i knowwww ugh
5:20 PM
Sophie: which is like. gah.
me: i KNOW
Sophie: and can Bden get pissed at his dad?
or something?
me: yeah, totally
i see his dad eventually committing suicide though
once he realizes what he's done
maybe he was drunk when he sold him
Sophie: yeah
makes sense. in a morbid way
me: UGH POOR RYAN
5:21 PM
Sophie: why are we writing such depressing aus?
me: I DON'T KNOW
Sophie: they are aus. WE COULD HAVE UNICORNS
me: KIK!!!!!
er, LOL!!!
Sophie: lolol
me: YES
BRENODN RESCUES RYAN ON A UNICORN
LIKE IN PRIZONER OF AZKABAN
prisoner, even
Sophie: OMG YES
me: AND ITS NAME IS SPARKLES
Sophie: omg lol
5:22 PM
:D
okay. srs bsnss

*headdesk* that last bit was a joke. most of this is a joke. :P

what i wanted is for them to have a kiss (or maybe sex, once), and then the next day ryan is sold into slavery. brendon is present for it all, he's hanging onto the bars on the back of the carriage where ryan is locked in, their fingers overlapping as brendon promises him, "i'll come for you, i promise." and such begins the Quest.

also, thoughts for what ryan's dad's shop is? what kind of business? i have some ideas for how ry and bden meet; i think ryan sees him around a few times before, gets caught staring, etc., and then he finally runs into him (literally, b/c, cute) in the marketplace one day. and is utterly faily and shy and ends up running off. but bden just smiles after him because he's all hearteyes and stuff. ugh, so many ideas swarming in my head. all i want to do is sit and write them down all day, and instead i have to work. :(

i will jot down this one moment i don't want to forget. ryan and brendon sneak off during one point in their faily ~courtship and spend the afternoon by the river or something, sprawled on their backs watching the sun, and the subject of death comes up, and ryan talks about how you have to live each moment, b/c you could die the next (in typical melodramatic, morbid ross fashion :P), and bden's kinda quiet... and that night is the night he throws pebbles at ryan's window in the middle of the night (\o/!), and ryan opens up and lets him in (AHEM) and he's like wtf are you doing here dumbass, my dad will ACTUALLY MURDER YOU if he finds out. and bden just crowds him against the wall, breathless, their foreheads touching, hands joined, and says, "i know, i know, i just couldn't, what if we died and i'd never told you?" and ry's like, "told me what?" and bren says, "that i love you," like it's the most obvious thing in the world, and kisses him. UGH MY HEART. i really, really want them to have sex that one night, and then the next day ryan gets taken. :'( but, i also love the idea of them having their First Time years later... y'know... um... after ryan's been a SEX SLAVE for however many years, so, okay, maybe not. :P though, bden could teach him how sex is ~beautiful. *eyeroll* clicheeeeeeeeeee, ack! thoughts?

sigh. my brain. my life. enough of this nonsense.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

<3 bb, i'm so sorry. if any part of this fic makes you uncomfortable to talk about or whatever, just let me know. ily. *smishes*

I AM REALLY ON BOARD WITH 19TH CENTURY SPENCE. LOVE HIM SO HARD. CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS. i think this fic is gonna have to be my next project. can't get it out of my head.

Guh, I love them all so hard. They are ridiculous XD And awesome XD Yay :D So do you still want to do it as some kind of proper co-write? Or not so much? Let me know what you're thinking :)

(falling asleep, but I have at least one more Spyro scene running rings round my head, plus the other Spencer thoughts, remind me if I don't make an appearance in the morning, lol :P)

i totally do want to do a proper co-write with you, but this particular thing feels like something i might want to try to adapt into an actualfax ~novel someday, so maybe i should do most of the actual writing myself? but i still totally want to give you co-author credit, i have a feeling 90% of the good ideas/plotting are going to be yours. ;) you seem to have an organizational grip on this whereas i'm all over the place. and i will probably end up using bits of what you've already written, or maybe see if you want to write certain bits that i couldn't get my head around, like red did for pccf? y/n?

REMINDING YOU. WANT NAO. :DDDDDD

*uses spyro icon which is EPIC RYDEN FAIL, OMG*

Sure thing :) I've got assloads of fic to write anyway XD (Brendonnnn...and Ryannnn...why must you be so sad... :S) I am so in on plotting/brainstorming/etc though :P This thing owns a large chunk of my brain now :P :D :D :D

Tomorrow :P Commentfic will make no sense if I write it now while semi-conscious XD

Lmao, our efforts to not be gsf tinhatty are so made of fail :P Ryden except also with Spyro and possibly Joncer and *epically close friendship* and...oh what the fuck :P *sigh* Must resist XD But...the Spencer...*killed ded. By Spencer's magical powers* Hehe, nah, it'll end up Ryden okay :) And the Ryden will be awesome. And *Brendon*. Okay, lol, so the thoughts I was having that I keep mentioning and then not typing up about Brendon and Spencer after Ryan's taken from them. So this is really just brainstormy potential plot ideas. And LMAO it ended up like 4 comments long :P But. Here goes.

So Ryan's taken. Brendon immediately devotes his whole life to getting Ryan back, because the timing's just--sure they weren't ~together long, but Ryan's been brutally ripped away right when Brendon's thinking maybe he's in love with this dude, right when they've just had their first kiss, etc, so Brendon pretty much makes this the centre of his entire life. He works his ass off finishing his apprenticeship, begs borrows earns and steals every cent he can, then gets himself down to London and starts the search for Ryan.

The search for Ryan, unsurprisingly, is not simple. It's an illegal trade, so records are limited and people aren't willing to speak. Ryan wasn't a particularly expensive or remarkable slave, so no one knows, and no one remembers. Nonetheless, Brendon keeps trying, working in the meantime in London and earning his rep and fortune. By the time he finally, maybe 4 years after Ryan's taken, finds a lead on where Ryan was sold to, the quality and innovativeness of his piano-building's earned him his fortune several times over. He packs up shop and follows this lead to France (maybe it becomes apparent at this point *what* Ryan was sold as, maybe that doesn't come 'til he gets to France. Either way). He then has to track things there, etc, but eventually, months and months later, he follows the trail to the brothel. This is devastating, ofc. Ryan is no longer there, and that's more devastating still. All the determination that had been slowly burning for almost five years is refired by this realisation, by seeing this place and realising what's *happened* to Ryan. Brendon *has* to find him, even if it's more than four years now since he briefly knew and loved him.

(next comment...)

Some money and some clever talking later, Brendon manages to extract from the owner the name of the guy who bought Ryan, and some questions around town later, follows this lead up into the mountains, travels on horseback and finally, nearly five years after Ryan was torn away from him, rides up to Spencer's estate.

And here we encounter my Spencer imaginings. They are a little (a lot) out there :P And a product of my violently massive love for 19th C Spencer XD (well, any Spencer :P) And, like, long and way too in depth :P So just...you know, if they sound totally insane, that's cool XD It's just my brain :P I couldn't help myself :P

So, years previously. Spencer is finally making this awkward headway with Ryan. There is still the massive issue of Ryan being raped repeatedly by Spencer's dad, but Spencer's working on ideas, he's *going* to find a way to get Ryan out, and all his efforts to help Ryan cope seem to finally be gaining ground. They've been making out for idk, a few weeks (so a few weeks after the commentfic), and a few days ago, in the commentfic I'm going to write you tomorrow-ish :P, Spence has ended up giving Ryan a blow job. It's not something Ryan really understands--it's something he has SUCH bad associations about, and the idea that Spence wants to do that is just baffling to him, but Spencer's patient, and Ryan is trying to readjust his brain. There's progress. Ryan trusts Spencer. He's clinging to this shred of control he has with Spencer, he's slowly coming to believe that he can heal, a little, maybe, if he holds on. Spencer loves him so, so much, and that, slowly, is returning the tiniest sense of self-worth to Ryan.

And then. Idk if Spencer tries one of his plans and is caught, or if he's caught with Ryan, or if his dad treats Ryan particularly violently one day and Ryan's sort of stumbling back out to his empty shed thing broken and bloodied and Spencer loses it and yells and goes off, or what happens, but *something* happens, and Spencer's dad seizes Ryan, rides off out the gates with Spencer desperately chasing behind on foot, and Spencer, obviously, can't keep up, and loses them in the trees. Spencer loses it. He paces around the estate freaking out all night, until finally, in the morning, his father returns, without Ryan, and says he's sold him.

Spencer *really* loses it. He knows what that means. He promised Ryan he'd save him from this, he needs Ryan, he *loves* him, Ryan was getting better, he was going to be okay, and--and he's been sold back to probably a brothel. No saving. No getting better. He would have been better off if Spencer had killed him when he asked. Spencer grabs a kitchen knife (or a gun, or whatever he can get hold of here) and threatens his father. The desperate pounding in his head is screaming that if he can just find out who Ryan's been sold to, he's armed, he can make his father give him the horse, and Spencer knows the way to town, he can ride, fast, and find Ryan, and buy him out, and...his father doesn't know who he sold Ryan to. He just wanted to get rid of him, sold him to the first person who'd give him decent cash. Didn't give a shit to ask names or details. Spencer threatens him, then hurts him, injures him, pushes as far as it's possible to push and--and nothing. He doesn't know. Maybe he says something about Ryan. Maybe he says something about picking up another one and making sure the new one's locked up. Maybe Spencer's just been pushed too far. He takes the last step and kills his father, right there and then, hopelessly certain that he really does know nothing about where he's sent Ryan.

With his father dead, everything belongs to Spencer. He takes all the money he can find in ten minutes, enough, he thinks, to buy Ryan, mounts his father's horse and rides his fastest into town. His only lead is *where* his father sold Ryan, and he starts there. He stays in town, searching, asking until his money runs out. He rides back to the estate broken and desperate and hating everything. He loads all the saleable goods he can find, all the banking documents, all the rest of the money into his father's cart, hitches it to the horse, and heads back into town.

(and next comment... :P)

Spencer searches systematically. He visits every slaveowner in town. Then he heads to the next town, and keeps going. For months he searches, while the two poor staff left back at the estate barely keep the place running. Spencer keeps searching, and asking, and travelling. Every time he's tempted to stop, he can't help but think--what if it's just the next town? What if he's an hour's ride away, and I stopped here? And while he travels, he learns. The story he learns is devastating. Ryan is not an isolated case. This is an industry, and Spencer sees hundreds of 'Ryan's in too many towns. But never a trace of Ryan. Whoever bought Ryan, he's been taken away, away from this corner of France.

Finally, a point comes. Spencer's exhausted most of the money. The estate's not being managed in any kind of profitable way, the money's not coming in, and he's spending too much trying to get information, trying to keep moving. The search is no longer supportable. And the search no longer has a point. Ryan isn't here. And so, one day, too broke to pay for a place to sleep let alone buy back Ryan, Spencer turns around, and heads home.

He keeps asking in every town he goes through, all the way back, but people don't answer questions so well for a worn, tired traveller with little, and there's nothing. Finally, Spencer reaches the first town, and before he heads back into the mountains, he goes back to the first place he looked--to the place where Ryan was bought and sold. They don't even remember him, let alone Ryan. But the owner overhears him asking questions of the staff, offering his full remaining bank balance--a pathetic sum for what was a wealthy family, but a lot for a slave in a small town--for information, and misunderstands, and comes out to offer alternate merchandise. And before he has time to protest, there's this boy there--this young man--this broken, hurt, struggling boy just like Ryan. Just like Ryan was. Spencer's seen hundreds of sex slaves. Normally though, he's very clear that he's not 'shopping', so it's at a distance, and...and this is the place Ryan came from. This is the place Ryan went away. And the fear, the sickening offer and the flinching brokenness of this helpless slave...Spencer can't leave him there. Maybe he can't save Ryan, but he knows in that moment that he has to save *something*, what he had with Ryan is going to mean something, goddamnit, it has to. He can't let it come to nothing. So he puts on an act for the owner the way he has for months--even though the closer proximity, the nature of this act makes him want to throw up at the monster's feet--and he barters, and buys as many slaves as he can for most of what capital he has left. And he swears to himself, if it takes the rest of his life, he'll protect them, those who'll let him, and find a way for them to heal. For Ryan. So that all Ryan's suffered, all he tried, all his strength and his hope and his trust means something good.

Funnily enough, these kids don't trust Spencer in the slightest. But he takes them all back to the estate, doesn't let them out of the cart before they get there 'cause they'll run off and die in the woods, but takes them into the mountains, gives them food and shelter and tries to explain, and then tells them they're free to stay or go. The vast majority go. He gives them the cart so they won't die, and tells them to go somewhere else, another town where they won't risk being recognised. And that's probably what clinches it for the two who do decide to stay. They stay, and Spencer stays away from them, mostly, gives them space, and for the first month they cling to each other and are wary of everything, but slowly, they start talking again, then they offer to help out, and so Spencer and his two very cautious staff and these two boys rebuild business of the estate. The money starts coming in again. By this time, things are better. There's real trust. There's something like companionship. And these two guys come to Spencer with an idea--there's money coming in now. Couldn't they try again? Couldn't they buy more slaves out?

(and one more...I think? :P)

And so out of the ruins of the only thing he cares about, Spencer begins to build something new. He builds it in Ryan's memory, and every kid they get out he tells about Ryan, and how strong he was, though he does leave out most of the details. Some of them stay, some of them go, but he's saving them like he failed to save Ryan, and slowly a community starts to grow. The two old staff go back to town. The estate becomes a place of recovery and healing.

And so when Brendon rocks up at Spencer's gate, Spencer's living there along with these two kids he first rescued, and a couple of their mismatched flock.

Brendon and Spencer are initially hostile. Brendon thinks Spencer is the dude who bought Ryan. Spencer doesn't generally get unfamiliar visitors, and he's very aware that there are people who would like very much to do him harm. But when Brendon's told Spencer's Spencer and not his father and that the father's dead, he asks about Ryan, and Spencer switches instantly, tries to ask a million questions, how does Brendon know that name, has he seen him?, etc, so it's obvious to Brendon that Spencer does remember...and so they slowly figure each other out.

Ryan had, at some point between commentfic and being sold, told Spencer about Brendon. When Spencer realises who he's talking to, he's kind of in awe, in that 'never expected to meet you' sort of way. Brendon, on the other hand, is very (justifiably) wary of Spencer. Nonetheless, he needs information, so he focuses on that...and Spencer, obviously has bad news. Brendon is looking for leads, and the trail has run dead. Spencer explains that he's searched, searched everywhere--the trail's cold. He explains why. Etc. And as he recounts his search, as he speaks about Ryan, it becomes clear that the care is genuine, and pure. Grudgingly, Brendon agrees to come inside, actually talks properly with Spencer. It's the first actual news he's had of *Ryan* and not just his location, and that's incredible for Brendon--Ryan's become almost like a symbol in his mind, a person who barely really exists, beyond as this driving force toward a goal that never gets closer...and Spencer tells him about Ryan. About how he looked, what he said, what he felt, who he'd become.

(right, actually only one more now XD)

Brendon refuses to give up. He insists he's going to keep searching. He has a lot of money, and that'll help. Before he goes, though, Spencer's two right-hand men come in and sort of go you're really rich. And you're mourning Ryan the same as Spencer is. You know this is wrong. You know what this does. So help out. We spend every dollar we make here freeing slaves. We can always do with more. And so Brendon agrees to send money every month to Spencer and co's slave-freeing operation. And he sets out again.

He searches, and searches, and searches. Finally, though, six years after Ryan was taken, Brendon's forced to admit defeat. He still doesn't, really. He tells himself he's just waiting for a lead to appear. He hates himself for giving up. He buries himself in work to try to cope, becomes more famous, more wealthy. Sends money to Spencer, receives brief letters in return to say the bunch at the estate is growing, there's loads of them now. He barely cares, really. He lost Ryan. He searched, and searched, and he failed. It's been his whole life--he was all but a child, and then he was searching. That's all his life's been. And he doesn't know how not to. He can't not care about Ryan.

Then, two years later, two years of hopelessness, lifelessness, no meaning and no feeling and just empty work, Brendon sees Ryan in the cabaret.

All that happens.

And so, when Jon helps Ryan and Brendon escape, and they need somewhere to run to, Brendon knows where they have to go--the only place that can offer them protection. They're being chased, they know too much, but they keep going, they can't send word, but they make it, all the way to the mountains, all the way up to Spencer.

Spencer sees Ryan again for the first time in 5? years, when he'd given up all hope. Ryan's a different person, and he doesn't speak to Spencer at all, but he's there, he's alive, and Spencer is so, so, so eternally grateful to Brendon there are no words. And so Brendon and Ryan begin their process of recovery inside the gates of Spencer's refuge (Bden helping Ryan deal with his memories of the place, of course :P), safely hidden in the mountains, and Jon joins the crew, and they live happily ever after the end :P

So yeah :P Like I said :P Kinda long and out there and hilarious XD Just took over my head though, lol. Much fun :D :D :D I love 19th C Spencer and Bden far too much *cuddles them*

Right, *actually* going to bed now, lol. I'm so hopeless at getting off the internet :S Meh.

you. just. you. you spoil me, the end.

this is EPIC. i am so, so excited, you have no idea. your ideas and vision are amazing.

a couple things i'm wondering about -- if ryan is a sex slave to spencer's dad, would he really be living in some shed outside? i figured he'd be kept relatively well, indoors and clean, since he's meant to be an object of lust/idealism/fantasy. y/n?

another thing is... the idea of spencer rescuing slaves and turning his estate into this sort of haven/refuge thing is, to me, way too similar to the epic slave fic of last year (which, hooked on it as i was for those few days, i honestly feel it was highly overrated).

the only other thing i wonder about is POV. this is intended to be Ryan's Story(tm), but obviously now there is so much else that we could cover by delving into these other POVs... so now i'm not sure. GAH. thoughts? i still want it be Ryan's Story, not AU!Panic's Story. but i still want these other stories in here, at least to some degree. how would you suggest structuring that? like, i'm not sure we could do everything you described for spence, but we could definitely use part of it. thing is, i kind of didn't want brendon to have ANY knowledge of ryan until he sees him 8 yrs later in the cabaret. i honestly wanted his search to end with some jerk falsely confirming ryan's death or something, and brendon just being, /o\. which is what finally made him give up, about 2 years before he sees him. again, that'd still be another storyline/POV i'd have to deal with... bleh it's all so confusing.

CANNOT WAIT FOR ANGSTY BJ COMMENTFIC. YOU MAKE MY DAYS, SRSLY.

<333333333333333

*fails again w/ spyroicon*

Yeah, you're right. I have no idea why I had him outside, lol :P It just happened in my head XD He just needs to be isolated enough that no one knows Spencer's hanging out with him for hours. So he could just be in a room at one end of the house. Or, actually, maybe there's like a cottage on the estate, what used to be a groundsman's cottage or something, another building. That would make sense. So Spencer's dad doesn't want Ryan in the house with his son and any respectable visitors who might come up here or whatever else, so Ryan's kept in this little 2 room cottage on the grounds, and Spencer's dad goes out there when he wants Ryan. There's 2 rooms, and there's a bed in one, but Ryan doesn't go near it except when he's made to. The rest of the time, he huddles against the far wall of the other room, as far as he can from his reality, curls into himself on the floor and shakes himself to sleep there.

Haha, yeah :P It's similar to a whole crapload of slavefic, there's a whole subgenre for it. It's just my favourite subgenre, so I inevitably end up there XD But no, you're right, people will make that association and it's prob better to avoid it. I was just being self-indulgent :P

Which is the same with POV. I don't think it should be multi-pov either, just rambling XD I think it should definitely stick mostly in Ryan's pov (possibly with some Brendon toward the end, idk, there are things that have to happen around Brendon's attempt to free Ryan that might be hard to get in from Ryan's pov). Brendon's ~story I think can be told to Ryan when they're reunited. Otherwise, you could do Brendon's story flashback style, short vignettes at the beginnings of chapters, if you wanted to keep Brendon involved the whole time and avoid losing the Ryden in the eight year gap. That'd provide space for any plot points that Ryan's not there for, keep the Ryden in the picture, give us some tragic counterpoint between Ryan's slow demise, believing no one cares, and Brendon clinging so desperately to the hope that he's alive somewhere. So that could be another option.

Mmhm. Yeah, I like that better, actually. I can see a couple of options then--either Brendon still follows the trail all the way to Spencer, but *Spencer's* search has ended when some jerk's falsely confirmed Ryan's death, and he reports this to Brendon. Maybe Brendon tracks down the guy and confirms it again, who knows. So both of them give up 'cause they're told Ryan's dead. OR, Brendon gets as far as the town below Spencer's estate, but the slavers there are by this point sick of hearing about Ryan from Spencer, so they just tell Brendon he's dead to get rid of him. Brendon goes home devastated. Oh, wait or did you mean he doesn't know about Ryan being a sex slave? I guess then he'd have to be lied to back in London...same reason I guess, he's been asking too many questions for years and they want to get rid of him. Any of those would work. And any could be told through start-of-chapter vignettes, or just through recount when they're reunited, depending on how present you want Brendon.

Bj when I finish this sword XD

(you are such a Spyro tinhat! :P It's hilarious XD)

GUH, i love ryan's isolation cottage. awful, and perfect. :'(

self-indulgent is lovely... i have a feeling that's going to be my natural tendency in this, and the hardest thing to avoid, because it's AU so i can literally do whatever the hell i want. but, that'll be my challenge, because i really want to write something... idk, polished. professional.

as for pov... i feel like it would be best to stick with ryan that whole time, because i want the reader to go on his journey with him. i don't want the reader to know that brendon's out looking for him, getting all rich and successful so he can rescue him later... i want the reader, like ryan, to completely forget there's any good left in the world. :( and then i was thinking we jump briefly to brendon's pov when brendon comes on his business trip. we could give a little background then, but i see it as starting out kind of in the middle of things. like, "it is a bright and sunny day in paris when brendon urie arrives with business partner shane valdez, blah blah blah," LOL. (only not that at all obv. :P) and then just jump right into the scene, and then give a little background, through subtle mentions, and then that night he sees ryan in the cabaret. and then from there we can give more background. like maybe there is a waiting period between the time he buys ryan and later that night when he actually goes up to SEE ryan. and he's just. sitting there, in his hotel or whatever, on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, trying to breathe. maybe then would be a good time for flashbacks.

yeah, i don't know that brendon knows ryan was a sex slave... he could, though. but i feel it would make it more devastating later on if he never knew. :( and then he sees ryan later, and realizes What He Is, and it's just like... aselrhfpoijawporjapoijrpo!!!!!!

i almost don't want him to encounter spencer first... so that when they escape and go there, there will be all this awkwardness because they get there and spencer and ryan are all \o/ and hugging and affectionate and weeping in each other's arms, and brendon is kind of like... /o\. thinking he's lost ryan or something. just briefly until he realizes it's not like that, but enough to be angsty. idk.

damn it, finish your sword! want BJ! i just had this image of it happening in the late morning/mid-afternoon sun in ryan's little cottage when spencer's dad has gone off to the city for the day or something... quiet and bright, their surroundings mocking the nervewracked vibe between them... :/

dude, yes. spyro is my sekrit otp, always. ;)

then again, you mentioned something about how "present" i want brendon to be, and, yeah... idk... the majority of the book -- er, fic lol -- is going to be ryan's journey as a slave. i don't want the ryden element to be lost completely, since so much of the story is going to be ryan alone. but, i guess what i could do is just have enough of a story AFTER he and ryan escape, to maintain the whole this-is-ryden! aspect. their post-escape journey needs a lot of fleshing out. i don't know how i want that to work. i don't want them just riding off into the sunset.

One word answers :P :

Yes.

Yes.

YES.

Yes.

YES.

EXACTLY.

Lmao.

ILU, I love your brain, I agree with everything (especially structuring the Brendon stuff like that, I really like the idea of letting the reader sort of lose all hope with Ryan and then bringing it back, and reintroducing Brendon just from where it is and then slowly revealing what he's been up to). I have to go keep working on this sword or my partner will get here in three hours and skin me alive, but I will come back and write as soon as I can ;D Angst. Mid-afternoon sun. More angst. Blow job. Sap and angst. My brain. It is eaten alive.

\o/!!!

awesome, okay. so excited for this, omg.

fine, fine, finish your sword. i'll just sit here and daydream of ryan's pretty pink lips falling open as spencer swallows around him, his fingers squeezing spencer's so tight, just to stay grounded...

Screw me, you should write this, immediately :P I hate you :P *cannot possibly work efficiently with that picture in my brain* *dies* You. Guh.

;)

http://moku-youbi.livejournal.com/22593.html

Damn you. Stop teasing me :P I am writing your blow job (so much for sewing) :P It has just turned longer and contexty so you won't have it for a few hours ;)

(also gods, her writing. Guuuuuh. Man. See, I read her stuff and never want to write again, 'cause how are people that good at writing porn??? Lol...)

YAYYYYYY! CAN'T WAIT! this will make my day, no lie. :)

dude, i know, right? her porn is amazing. i want to write porn like that.

Now it'll be crap and you'll be like...oh :P

Yes. Exactly. When my porn is close to that good, I shall be a happy ficcer XD

dude, wtf, no. :P shh, finish.

So, I suck, 'cause I don't have the energy to write porn and keep falling asleep halfway through words :( Death. But 2 other things instead! (over a few comments, too long) Though sadly lacking real porn. Random captured!Bden paragraph I forgot I wrote a few days back, and the first, porn-lacking half of the bj scene, which I seriously will finish, lmao. I am useless XD Sorry! I'll get there eventually :S Here, anyhow, in the meantime :) This stuff is fun too :) (well, okay, more angsty than fun :P But this fic, lol...)

K, captured!Brendon XD *cuddles poor hurt Bden*

***

When Brendon looks back on his twenty-two years of life, it falls quite easily into bars of time, thematic eras of where he’s been and gone. And despite all that’s happened since, the first period, the era of innocence is somehow, still, so much clearer than all the rest. When Brendon looks back on childhood, tries to imagine days of smaller, softer hands and rounder faces, childhood is not fourteen years of tiny steps, not family and home, teachers or friends or playing on the streets. For Brendon, childhood is one outstanding week like blue flame in his memory, and one shining, overwhelming night when they were fourteen and fifteen, one brilliant night like white hot iron, like the moon over water, like stars shattered high in the mountains where no streetlight dims the viewer’s sight. Brendon holds his one night close to his chest, and when it burns he holds it closer, brands it on his skin. When all help is gone and all hope is dead, Brendon holds close to that one memory, and lets it glow out eight years of refusing to forget. It’s carried him this far—it’s carried them both this far—and Brendon swears, to silent walls and echoing music from the floors above, that it will carry them both back home.

***

Annnnnd...second much longer piece next comment :D

Annnnnnnd...Spencer being heartbroken/protective/adorable/angsty/etc about Ryan :P And Ryan making me want to hide him away and never let anyone near him again. Ryyyyyyan...

Going to have to split it in two, too long. Here goes...

***

The afternoon it happened was not a particularly significant afternoon. There was nothing to suggest that this would be the afternoon things might change; there was nothing, in fact, to suggest that it would ever be the afternoon things might change. Not that Spencer wasn’t interested. God knows, Spencer’s body, at least, was very interested. Just…it wasn’t like that. It couldn’t be like that. Spencer didn’t want to want it. And Ryan—Spencer was getting better at reading Ryan, but that didn’t change…anything.

Every evening he would sit in the dark behind his window and pray that that man—because he wasn’t his father, Spencer would not give him that title—was tired, or busy, or something, anything. His prayers rarely seemed to reach far. Almost every evening he would watch out the window as a figure he tried not to think of as more than the shadow he could see at this distance followed the path to what wasn’t really Ryan’s cottage, because Ryan would rather be dead than inside. And every evening he would stay awake to watch the figure walk back, sometimes not half an hour later, sometimes hours, hours of keeping himself in his chair because standing up and leaving this room would probably mean killing someone.

Eventually, though, the door of the little cottage would always open, lamps casting a sickly glow out into the night, and the shadow would appear against them, and cross back under the moon, and reenter the house. Every evening Spencer would wait fifteen crawling, second-by-second minutes. Fifteen minutes was enough time for him to be retired, out of the corridors, away from back windows. And fifteen minutes was enough time for Ryan to…do things. Drag himself from wherever he’d been left. Dress. Clean himself, because however Spencer hated waiting, he just didn’t have the stomach to see Ryan…like that. And Ryan, there were many things Ryan didn’t want him to see. Not just the…mess. There were the bruises he hid beneath his clothes and the ones he couldn’t hide, that told Spencer the rest were there. There was the day Spencer knocked on the door and Ryan was still holding a wet cloth to his lip, split and swelled and still bleeding, where the bastard had hit him for no reason either of them could figure out. Ryan had spent a full five minutes swearing through sobs that he hadn’t done anything before Spencer had managed to get through his skull that he didn’t give a crap whether he’d done anything, he wouldn’t care if Ryan had killed the worthless bastard. And there was the day he’d opened the door and heard Ryan sobbing through choked-back gasps in the bathroom, frantically jerking himself off over the toilet. Ryan had turned white when he’d come out to find Spencer there, doing a hopeless of job of looking out the window and pretending he’d heard nothing.
“I wasn’t—” Ryan had choked out.
“I don’t care, Ry.”
“I don’t—I…I can’t help…”
And he was sobbing again, and Spencer had taken a deep breath, and made himself turn around. “It’s okay,” Spencer had whispered, knowing full well it wasn’t, wasn’t at all, and Ryan had crumpled right there in front of the bathroom door, clung to the floor and refused to look up, and hadn’t let Spencer near him for the rest of the night.

(cont. next comment...)

(continued from last comment...)

Most nights weren’t like that. Most nights Spencer would let himself out of the house after fifteen minutes, cross the grass to Ryan’s door rather than walking on the path, because of all the footsteps in the world he never wanted to follow, those scuffs in the gravel under the moon were top of the list. He’d knock as he opened the door, but he’d always open it himself, without waiting—he couldn’t afford to stand outside where he might be seen, and…Ryan was often better off staying on the ground anyway. As long as he stayed still, he hurt less, so Spencer tried his best to let him stay still. Spencer would let himself in, and try not to let anything real show, make sure he never, ever let Ryan see how sick it made him, or how it made him want to run away. He’d fill a cup of water from the big bucket Ryan brought in in the morning, because Ryan would always be thirsty half an hour after Spencer came in. And then he’d place it down on the ground by Ryan’s side, and sit down on the ground in front of him, and let Ryan make the move to shift forward and curl into him, Spencer’s arms loose around his back, shaking against Spencer’s chest, breathing quietly into his shirt.

Ryan always did, after the first time, and Spencer always held him, just loosely, and always got him to drink some water after half an hour when he’d stopped shaking, and always sat in silence and listened, to the silence if Ryan didn’t want to talk. And every night, his traitorous, ridiculous body was interested. It was much worse the few nights that Ryan wanted to ‘try’ then and there, when Ryan kissed him frantically, shaking, flinching with every touch but keeping on going like his life depended on it, face tight and hard and devoid of anything close to pleasure or peace. It was worse those nights because kissing Ryan, with Ryan’s hands on his arms or his neck or in his hair, Spencer couldn’t help the way he reacted, couldn’t help getting half-hard, or worse, and the way he hated himself for that was eclipsed only by how scared stiff he was that Ryan might notice. It wasn’t normally that bad, there wasn’t usually ‘evidence’, but every night, with Ryan in his arms, Spencer wanted him. Not right at the start, not trembling and still damp from scrubbing himself clean, but as the night wore on, and Ryan stilled, and breathed a slow beat against Spencer’s heart, Spencer always wanted him, the parts of him that didn’t listen to reason or fairness or wrong and right, and he always walked silently back to the house some time after midnight wondering whether it was right of him to go down to comfort Ryan at all.

(cont. next comment...)

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j-plash.livejournal.com - 2009-05-03 15:14 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

lolab.livejournal.com - 2009-05-03 16:44 (UTC) - Expand

oh my *god*, bb. this is gorgeous. really, really beautiful words. this especially:

For Brendon, childhood is one outstanding week like blue flame in his memory, and one shining, overwhelming night when they were fourteen and fifteen, one brilliant night like white hot iron, like the moon over water, like stars shattered high in the mountains where no streetlight dims the viewer’s sight.

a;lkjr;ofiaw3oip!!!!!!! you are amazing, the end.

*reads the rest*

Glad you like it :) Pretty words make me unreasonably happy XD

(dude, I was rereading the last few chapters of pwf last night trying to get to sleep, and *the prettiness*. I had totally forgotten how much I love that fic. Your writing in ch18 of that = seriously amazing. Really really really. Just flailing at you :P)

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lolab.livejournal.com - 2009-05-04 12:48 (UTC) - Expand

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