so, basically...idk. that was totally weird, because this was kind of definitely everything that was on my mind this weekend. or needed to be on my mind this weekend. or something. idk maybe i just needed someone to say that stuff to me....
this weekend i had this decision thrown at me and i really...fuck, i don't know what to do. it is literally a life-changing decision and i'm stressing over it and i can't...i don't know how to even comprehend it, let alone figure out what i'm going to do about it. i still haven't reacted properly. i went mute for about a day and a half. my eyes keep burning because i'm holding back tears every time i think about it (which is all the time).
and you're saying all of these things about starting NOW. do what you want NOW. and i...i don't know. the thing about me is i'm very...self concious person. i always compare myself to others and i always bring myself down, which is why i'm having so much trouble with decided WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. its not good, but i don't know...its me. and i never ask for help, because it makes me feel..idk, weak or something?...and so i'm always sitting here dealing with this shit that is way too much for me, but i don't tell anyone because...well, idk y.
idk. i'm rambling. but basically ily. this kind of made me feel a lot better and i needed it. i still need it. your amazing, honestly. like. really. idk. just <3
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Date: 2008-11-24 10:16 pm (UTC)this weekend i had this decision thrown at me and i really...fuck, i don't know what to do. it is literally a life-changing decision and i'm stressing over it and i can't...i don't know how to even comprehend it, let alone figure out what i'm going to do about it. i still haven't reacted properly. i went mute for about a day and a half. my eyes keep burning because i'm holding back tears every time i think about it (which is all the time).
and you're saying all of these things about starting NOW. do what you want NOW. and i...i don't know. the thing about me is i'm very...self concious person. i always compare myself to others and i always bring myself down, which is why i'm having so much trouble with decided WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. its not good, but i don't know...its me. and i never ask for help, because it makes me feel..idk, weak or something?...and so i'm always sitting here dealing with this shit that is way too much for me, but i don't tell anyone because...well, idk y.
idk. i'm rambling. but basically ily. this kind of made me feel a lot better and i needed it. i still need it. your amazing, honestly. like. really. idk. just <3