Colin

redorchids  has started this really interesting new comm, and you should all check it out.  i finally wrote something for it, a mess of ramblings but it's kind of interesting, and you can read it here.  i'm curious to hear your thoughts.

i'm so tired of fandom right now.  i really need a break.  a long break.  but it's part of me, the stupid fucker.

i don't want to talk about the drama (this, for those who asked via twitter), because stuff like that just pisses me off and takes away from why i love fandom in the first place.

whenever something like this happens, i just have to tell myself, it's the characters we love.  because really, it is.  RPF fandom is such a mess, ugh.  because of the reality aspect, there is a lack of vital limits, so when one spontaneously imposes itself like this, everything implodes.  to me, at least.

promise me not one of you will mention a word of it in the comments.  i so, so, so do not want to talk about it, at all.  help me remember why i love fandom.  write a line of schmoop or porn.  post a pic that makes me forget that half of what we love about these boys is probably a lie.  help me remember fandom is what we make of it, and anything can be as real to us as we need it, as long as we believe it.  i am really proud of how colossally cheesy i managed to make that sound, too. XD

i'll start.

First half here.

( It’s two in the morning but who’s counting... )

i know i never update butttttttttttttt. i'm procrastinating.

so i'm being shamelessly lazy this morning, making all time low macros (see facebook album) and watching panic vids/interviews on youtube and drooling over a) the sexiness of bden's voice, b) the complete obviousness of the reality of ryden, and c) a clip of bden doing whatever you would consider the piano equivalent of shredding. just... fucking tearin' it up. oh god. i'm pretty sure he was covering a dresden dolls song. and you know how amanda plays. fuckin' shit. DD songs already make me horny as it is even without bden playing them.

i think we all know by now, and i know i say this about EVERYTHING, but boys playing piano really is my ultimate lifelong hard-on. like... beyond expression. just. GAH. and bden is BDEN, not just any boy. so. i'm pretty sure i'm going to pass out at their show.

i'm also squeeing b/c i saw a live performance of that green gentleman on youtube and it was THE SHIT.

it should be noted that i am so utterly in love with pretty. odd. that i have been unable to listen to any other music since i got it (except DC's "stolen" b/c we were kind of writing with it). i have never felt this way about an album in my life. it's mind-blowing. every time i try to put on another cd, i just start listening and then think, "wtf. this is inadequate. this is not pretty. odd." LOLZ.

so needless to say, my excitement over seeing panic exactly three weeks from today is rising steadily and exponentially, especially now that they've switched the venue to the masquerade which is a tiny intimate little place in which i saw cobra last month and got so close to the stage that gabe grabbed my hand and sang right into my eyes a few times.

and it is also the place i'm seeing all time low and rocket summer ON THE 17th. been waiting to see ATL ever since i saw/discovered them last october at the boys like girls show. pretty much fell in love with alex the second he came on stage, before i even knew his name.

and BRYCE. fucking BRYCE. GAH. i got into their music simply for the fact that i knew i'd be seeing them, and then i just fell in love with it all. though i'll never look at him without blushing after reading that one brylliam fic. (speaking of, if anyone has a link to it, send to me pls??? i didn't save it for some reason: it's the one where william is a total sex-crazed psycho who's obsessed with seducing him simply for the sake of corrupting something so pure. it's HEARTBREAKING and the end is just horrible, but it's beautiful and amazing and (#*&()#*.)

madness swirls in my soul right now. happy, happy madness.

1. patiently waiting for bilvybot update.

2. less than patiently waiting for riley update. b/c riley = cutest baby ever, and i don't even like babies, and now i'm all like, "omg gabe pls have my babies" and ignoring the physical impossibility of this.

3. keri works today. i'm supposed to be cleaning (oh yeah, look, i'm vacuuming right now as i type) and looking over my fucking benefits BINDER for my new job - not a pamphlet or brochure, a fucking THREE-RING BINDER. ughhhhhhhhhh. yes pls, let me sign up for you to extract exorbitant amounts of money from my paycheck so i can have crap health coverage the co-pays of which i still won't be able to afford anyway. yay.

4. I SEE PANIC AT THE DISCO IN THREE WEEKS DID I MENTION THAT. yes. i did. sorry. never seen them before. pretty much dying.

5. really, really want the clandestine collective (clan_collective.livejournal.com) to do "pretty. odd." after this one b/c okay, hello, and also, i am absolutely dying, like, squirming and antsy and desperate, to have a title as amazing as "little deaths in musical beds."

(...we all know it's the french slang for orgasm, right??)

okay. i'm stalling. i'll clean. i'll do yoga. i'll read my fucking benefits textbook.

i forget who discovered this, but, okay (I'M GOING I'M GOING, ONE MORE THING), put on northern downpour but only listen to the left speaker. set your balance so it's all on the left or if you're listening on an iPod, only put in the left earpiece. for the first couple lines you hear bden's voice very nearly a cappella and it will just simply melt your soul. and then, THEN, in the rest of the first verse, you hear only him and the piano, which is fantastic for me, who is trying to LEARN northern downpour on the piano (it's super easy, fyi).

the piano knows something i don't know, however... i'm learning that has about eighty chord changes. fun. indeed the piano apparently knows LOTS of things i don't.

hmm, what else can i stall with.

i wonder how many people would shitflip if i "forgot" to post the last chapter of FM&MK tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. /evil.

that reminds me, i need to work on the sequel today. william and tom are pissing me off like whoa. i'm not speaking to them anymore. i'm half ready to pawn off the sequel on someone else. anyone wanna write it? :P

totally finishing learning intermission today on the piano. learning exact notes entirely by ear = slight challenge.

YAY, it's lunchtime!!!!! MORE STALLING.

p.s. now that i am mostly over the initial heartbreaking trauma of the haircut(tm), i would like to suggest the organisation of funeral arrangements for william eugene beckett's late hair.

i don't know how you all managed to just COMMUNALLY LATCH ON to this idea of me writing the piano sex. but srsly. it got to the point where people were begging.

so, you dickheads. it's late and i'm tired and i should be warm and toasty in my bed right now, but what am i doing?

yeah i'm writing gabilliam piano sex for all you twat-faces. :P

i love you guys.

i'll post at some point, maybe tomorrow, def. by monday.