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( Fic Master List )

Welcome! Please refer to my profile for more info, friending policies, etc.
__________________________________________

yeah. i jumped on it. mostly so i don't lose touch if any of you move over there completely. i have no plans to use the account at all. LJ is my home, and i don't like keeping track of too many accounts/blogs/emails (even twitter was a stretch for me), but add me if you like. new friends are always nice for self-esteem (mine is dangerously low lately), even if i already know you. XD

http://behindthec.dreamwidth.org/

(get it. "c." colin. behind the... me. my outer layers. into my sekrits and stuff. HA. oh god.)

oh, hey, speaking of new friends, i know i do my own "lurker open house" posts every few months or so, but since everyone is doing it now (lurker amnesty, they're calling it... hmm, i still prefer "open house"; it implies tea and cookies and sounds less... political? heh), and since i am clearly unable to resist peer pressure (*glares at dreamwidth*), COME OUT! do you lurk and never comment? there's no shame in it; we've all done it. come say hi, introduce yourself, or just randomly friend me if you're shy, i don't care. i don't bite ~~unless you want~~; i welcome everyone. be anon or don't, it's all good. i love meeting new peeps. and i am super bored today (my boss is out of the office! \o/) so this'll help. help me un-bored! let's write commentdrabbles together! or. something.

and no, for the thousandth time, you don't count as a lurker if you've commented me recently and i've commented you back and there has been ~akshual interaction. :P people always show up in these posts and i'm like, "um, i totally recognize your name from comments, GTFO." XD love you though. lolz.

lookit me, all fangirling red's lyrics. ♥

so, this kinda doubles as the start of my outline, more for my benefit than anything else; it's slightly spoilery and hella rambly, so don't read if you don't want, but if you're following the development of this fic, you may find it interesting.

( irishAU: the beginnings. (and some recs.) )

Title: Scratch My Phosphorus Skin [1/1]
Author:

lolab
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan; slight GSF vibe
Rating: R for drug use
Words: ~1,320
Disclaimer: Fiction as far as I know.
Summary: They all did it, once upon a time (last time; no fairy tales ever), side by side, warm skin brushing as they passed the joints back and forth.
Notes: This is a flashback-y snapshot from the PCCF 'verse, inspired by a passage from the final chapter, but you don't have to read the fic to understand this. Couldn't get this out of my head once

selectivelyurie brought it up in the Q&A. Set a few days before the infamous kiss. If the drugs bother you, know that in my world they were only ever this reckless at the cabin. ;) This is abstract and bizarre and written in the middle of the night and has no real meaning, so watch for pointlessness. Title from the scrapped cabin songs.

( Ryan's skin in moonlight is a natural A minor scale. )

Title: Back To The Place
Author:

lolab
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fiction as far as I know.
Words: ~93,000
Summary: Once upon a time, Panic went to a cabin in the mountains to write an album they never made. One night there, something happened that Ryan tried to forget. Two years later, he still hasn't.
Notes: Post-cabin cabin fic. I realize how morbid my summary sounds, like he got attacked by a rapist or something. I promise this'll make you smile lots with minimal angst: just boys being their stupid selves. I've never written epic straight-up Brendon/Ryan, so this is a treat. Epic thanks to

redorchids for ~~sharing my brain/soul~~ contributing several scenes, endlessly brainstorming the last few chapters with me, and creating the official trailer.

( Soundtrack, Resources, Acknowledgments )

( yep. we're that lame. )

Title: Back To The Place [8/8]
Author:

lolab and

redorchids
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fiction as far as I know.
Dedication:

redorchids, obviously. Several scenes, half the outline, shameless PWF refs, and all original lyrics are hers, as well as the amazing vid she made for this fic, linked at the end. Thanks also to

unluckykitty for the YouTube screenshot photo, and

j_plash for the ~~bountiful flesh-horn~~ epic badfic. <3
Summary: Maybe that's what makes life interesting, the collision of endless questions and answers, and those precious moments of triumph when we can match the right ones together.
Notes: Scene intro lyrics are from Panic, Snow Patrol, Empires, and The Killers. Thanks to everyone for all your support/feedback. I learned a lot during this, but the concept of the story has been very simple. It's about love, and the tough decision we must make regarding whether it's enough, whether it will prevail in the end. I've wondered many times throughout the course of writing this, and for awhile, lost faith. I'll let you judge for yourself where I ended up. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Please visit the master post for previous chapters, notes, track listing, etc.

( It's not a series of moments, just one. )

( chapter 8, part II )

( chapter 8, part III )

just an update, i'm about 300 words away from finishing pccf, which, wow. i'm totally gonna cry. FML. anyway, you should hopefully have it tomorrow night, assuming i can edit it all by then. it's in 3 parts, so. ugh.

redorchids has finished the vid and it. is. amazing.

i leave you with recs. first, compelling and intense and oh so hot (and angsty). i love brendon's POV in this, his confusion and longing.
http://community.livejournal.com/anon_lovefest/25960.html

and this. oh my god, this. a tiny bit of het, but if *i* still thoroughly enjoyed it, you know it's awesome.
http://reni-days.livejournal.com/23659.html

you may want to check this out first, as a sort of ~intro.
http://maple-mahogany.livejournal.com/376638.html
then read this. just. yes. so much yes. so fucking hot, and just. YES.
http://stephanometra.livejournal.com/330732.html

everything i love about sean/tom. perfection.
http://battleofhydaspe.livejournal.com/80639.html

this was actually really enjoyable. i feel like i would've liked more background, to see how the relationship(s) started, and open endings are always kinda dubious for me, but still, i liked it a lot.
http://panic-smile.livejournal.com/40693.html

not expecting comments, just wanted to give you guys a heads-up. it's coming. thanks for all your support. this fic has been quite a ride.

redorchids is writing a pccf scene (twitterwars!) and needs more badfic! she has requested the following:

"joncer badfic: a bj scene that's written by a 12-year-old virgin who clearly has no idea about what's hot and what's not, what a dick looks like or how a bj even works. something like theohara's buffy badfic. LOL. teeth. wrong use of teeth. gallons of precome. come spelled cum. insanely crappy grammar. using other sex words like "rimming" in the wrong context, thinking they mean something else. should be spencer going down on jon and just outrageous. preferably schmoopy as hell too. in a completely unrealistic context. like stockholm syndrom with spence as jon's sex slave or something. idk, you make something up. LOL"

i know it seems all i post are requests lately, but this is FUN, and besides, you're getting chapter 8 soon. i'm a little stuck on the climax scene, but i'll get there.

thanks to everyone who found my hat. you guys are clearly better sleuths than i am. <3

remember in chapter 5 or whatever, they play bohemian rhapsody, turns out pete had it broadcasting to the whole club, and then in 7 we find out it's been leaked to youtube?

i need a screenshot of that nonexistent youtube vid. which means. an indoor shot of ryan on guitar and brendon either on piano or at a microphone. this obviously won't be in the same frame, so it would have to be photoshopped. i don't do photoshop but i can smish certain photos together that have the right lighting. though, if you have photoshop skillz and want to try it, that would be amazing. hell, you can even put their heads on other bodies if it looks real enough. it needs to be slightly blurry to be authentic, and it needs to be the basic shape of a youtube clip. so basically, i need photos that i can smish, or a photoshopped image that looks like a real screenshot of this performance. i wasn't going to ask you guys because i've been useless and demanding lately, but

redorchids told me i should. :P

WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU: ~~the satisfaction of making colin's day when he has been miserable lately~~ the first half of chapter 8 (includes porn) to the first person who can pull this off.

♥

i really don't want to sound like a bitch, but please stop asking when chapter 8 will be up. i'm sort of in a life crisis here, so fic is kind of my last priority.

redorchids is keeping me sane and working on it with me. it won't be posted until we're both satisfied and until she finishes the accompanying video. don't expect anything for at least another week, i'd say. thanks for all your responses to my last post and for the emails (i will try to respond at some point). it means a lot. again, won't be answering comments here, i'm sorry, but i'm just not up to it. i promise i'll respond to every single one when i post the last chapter. i'm just living in a daze right now and don't really have the energy.

have another teaser.

Ryan's hands are on him before he remembers it's coming. It's grown so integral to their practice that it would feel stranger without it, the intimacy of both the poses and their relationship having evolved at the same pace, but it would be pointless and stupid to forfeit one just because the other has --

Failed is the first word to break through all his repression and Brendon feels himself tremble at the thought, the wounds still fresh and gaping between them, but he doesn't flinch, he doesn't, when Ryan wraps around him, fingers trembling in Brendon's and gripping tighter just to still themselves. Ryan's breath is like burning on the tight line of his shoulder, his chest a blinding sheet of fire where it's molded to Brendon's bare back, their hips aligned and locked like it's the only thing left in the world that fits. Brendon holds on and lets go all at once, giving himself to the implicit plea for trust that's running hot across Ryan's skin, seeping into Brendon's everywhere they touch. He's been laid out for more boys than he can count, tied up and stripped down and spread open, vulnerable to the highest, but he's never felt more exposed than he does now, with Ryan his anchor, still the only one to ever make him fall and now the only one to stop him crashing.

i just ended a four-year relationship. fuck zen, fuck dealing, fuck maturity. i need to not be in my head. like, a lot.

picspam me?

cybersex?

lolcats?

failpics?

fly to atlanta and cuddle me?

anything?

i probably won't answer comments, but. i think that's allowed.

LOL. wow. it's sad that people waste so much energy on hating me.

( just a couple notes )

cut for hugeness, polls, brainstorming, recs, etc.

( AND THE MOON IS OUT. AND RYAN IS PRETTY. AND BRENDON IS LIKE... youre pretty. )

in celebration of working out a difficult scene with red, you get this now instead of tomorrow. sigh.

if you follow my twitter you're prepared for this nonsense. fuck my life, this is ridiculous and indulgent and i want to write it more than anything ever.

( in which colin and sophie brainstorm turn-of-the-century-scottish-peasant!ryan AND <s>BRENDON</s> THE BOY WHO MAKES BAGPIPES. )

( pccf rambling. )

here, have a teaser. this one's hers, and just, ngh.

They lie there, breathing together, hiding from the world while their bodies cool and the sounds from outside start to filter back in through the open window. Brendon figures he should pull out, roll away, be angry with Ryan for pushing him into this or with himself for nodding along—cry, yell—something; anything other than just curling himself tighter around the body next to him and burying his face against the dark hair. It doesn't make sense for him to cling to Ryan—not when it's Ryan that's making him break—but thinking of letting go is worse, so Brendon clings. His body starts to shake, so he squeezes harder, the emotional equivalent of trying to swim in quicksand and probably just as futile, but it's what he's got, so he'll take it. And when he closes his eyes and breathes in the smell of Ryan—of them, and this, skin mingling together—then at least he knows that it wasn't all a dream.

( some recs, some emo. )

Title: Back To The Place [7/8]
Author:

lolab
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fiction as far as I know.
Dedication:

siubhlach,

taraangelx,

takkatakkatakka; a very special thanks to

redorchids, who co-wrote the last sex scene with me when I was ready to give up on this damn fic altogether. The lyrics and most of the good ideas in here are hers as well.
Summary: Maybe that's what makes life interesting, the collision of endless questions and answers, and those precious moments of triumph when we can match the right ones together.
Notes: I hope you guys enjoy these last two chapters because I'm not going to be writing anything for awhile. I'm fucking wiped out. Anyway, Brendon's fascination with portable toilets belongs to me and me alone. For those doubting the boys' basketball skills, I suggest taking a look at this, and also their clothes in the drunken jailbait sleepover pics.

Please visit the master post for previous chapters, notes, track listing, etc.

( It's official: there is only one thing in the world better than sex. )

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27	28	29	30	31

Colin

Fic Master List

bandwagon's full, please catch another

so press repeat, i'll start again with "once upon a time."

Scratch My Phosphorus Skin | Brendon/Ryan/GSF | R | ~1,320 words

Back To The Place [master post] | Brendon/Ryan | NC-17

PCCF Q&A (beware of spoilers)

Back To The Place [8/8]

chapter 8, part II

chapter 8, part III

let's imagine the end before we even begin.

took a shot and didn't even come close

pretty please with brendon on top?

i can't remember the good old days

ohai. i can has...

i hate blogging twice in one day, but this was too... unique to pass up.

"THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE BOYS! THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT!"

...so THIS happened.

who needs love when there's southern comfort.

till the bend becomes the break

Back To The Place [7/8]

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December 2020

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