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behindthecSo yeah. I'm moving ye olde blog to LJ. *dies of shock* :P
I don't know how long it'll last, but I am a sucker for Internet peer pressure, so we shall see. I'm afraid my bitchy non-PC rants and general distaste for the world will get me in trouble with a 'larger' audience over here (as it always has before, hence my long-term affinity for private journals), but who cares. If ya don't like it, don't read it. Anyhow, I'm lolab (I hate how nothing is capitalized; it's supposed to be LolaB, my nom de plume), so friend me and then I will kindly friend you back, if you are not a weirdo.
Sub-subject line would have been: "from amelie to the sacred feminine and the psycho in between..."
(What is my thing for not capitalizing subject lines? I should psychoanalyze that. Except not.)
Incidentally, how the hell do I change my headline? Obviously I am not "only here to lurk" anymore.
Yeah. So last weekend we rented "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" (or, because I am an intellectual whore, "À la folie... pas du tout," which does not translate remotely close to the English title - *sticks nose in air and storms off*), because Audrey is freaking adorable and makes us squee beyond measure.
Anyhoo, we were under the very distinct impression that it was a romantic comedy.
This was not so.
Finally got around to watching it last night: folks, this film is neither romantic nor comedic. If you want a really artistically well-done foreign film (which I always enjoy, being a film student), SEE IT. If you like squealing over Audrey Tautou, DO NOT SEE IT. She scares me now.
But only partially, because she says things that make me love her, like, "I wouldn't mind being in an American film for a laugh, but I certainly don't want to be in Thingy Blah Blah 3, if you know what I mean."
How dare she presume to diss Thingy Blah Blah 1 and 2. As a proud American, I am insulted.
(This is where you all die of laughter, not because of my Thingy joke but because I said I was a proud American. LOLZ OMG. Me a proud American. That is so teh funny shizznit.)
Me during the movie: "See, this is why you can never cheat on me. I would turn into this."
Speaking of, when I came home from class yesterday she gave me a present: a Scrat mini-poster (ICE AGE 2 EEEEEEEEEEEEEE SCRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and a fucking AWESOME Underworld: Evolution poster. Two of them, actually. One for each of us. She bitched about how they cost her $7. I kissed her lots.
(My inconsistency with using/not using quotes when writing out movie titles bothers me.)
Somewhere along a related tangent, I have the greatest mother-in-law in the universe. Sharon is actually thinking of *GIVING US THE HOUSE* when we are ready to have a house a few years from now, assuming we can take over the mortgage payments. Do you know how FUCKING AWESOME that is?? I love Keri's house and neighborhood so much; there's nowhere else in the area I'd rather live. We have big plans already; her room is going to be painted blue and turned into a yoga room, and we're going to have all these awesome framed movie posters around the house and whatnot, in addition to framed prints of our own respective photography. Everyone will have to visit - after attending the Goblet of Fire wedding, of course. ;)
I am way excited. A hearty non-Audrey-inspired SQUEE is in order, I think.
And GO ME for sleeping last night. I'm impressed.
Oh dear GOD, should I even mention it lest I jinx it? I have become so addicted to the Harry Potter game it's not even funny. I played six hours of it in a 14-hour period a couple days ago. a) I suck at flying. b) Now I'm at this level where Snape just sent me to the dungeons to get ingredients and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. I'm supposed to be able to do stuff but I think I'm trapped in this room/cave where there's nothing to do. I am exceedingly frustrated and I may be pulling out my hair at some point soon if I do not figure it out.
Keri is possibly coming up here during my two-hour break today (this and next week's schedules are so nuts) to, uh, play with me. Her: "Is the parking deck crowded these days?" Me: "Uh, yeah..." Her: *lewd grin* "Even the top floor?" Me: *lg* "Probably not..."
Heh.
Back in the Writing Center as of this morning... WE HAVE DOUGHNUTS OMG. I ate a chocolate-covered cream-filled one because I am horny. And Karen is talking about porn - actually, now EVERYONE is talking about porn, including the people with PhD's. I've forgotten how much I love working here.
Speaking of things like doughnuts, the area outside the Admissions Hall this morning smelled like French toast sticks. I was filled with joy, then became depressed, because there is no place anywhere near campus at which to acquire French toast sticks.
Karen Quote of the Day: "Masturbation is better than feet."
(Me: "Can I quote that on my journal?" Karen: "Especially if you've got feet like mine...")
SEX SURVEY (how inventive)
Are you sexually active?: oh no... not at all. i'm sexually inactive almost every day. *blink*
do you give your actual number of partners when asked?: yep. two.
do you prefer foreplay, or do you like to just get right to getting down?: well, if we're like, in the car or some public place, foreplay is not entirely practical. you kinda have to get down to business.
have you ever been seriously called a whore?: i get called it every day, but not seriously. unless i'm drooling over harry potter or oliver wood. then she yells at me and calls me a hetero whore and lots of other insulting names. understandably.
do you use condoms everytime? be honest bitches: actually, we do on occasion... it's easier than washing off the dildo every time, especially since they are dust magnets. i wonder what her mom would think if she saw the empty condom wrappers under the bed... immense confusion would ensue, i suspect. LMAO.
if so, what brand do you prefer?: for some stupid reason she likes to buy the expensive brand-names. i keep telling her, dude, just get the cheap-o's... it's not like it MATTERS IF IT BREAKS. :P
have you ever been caught having sex or doing something sexual?: ohhhhh yeah.
does the risk of being caught get you wet? (or hard): kind of. depends on the situation.
how often do you pleasure yourself? (don't lie & say you don't): i DON'T, man. i don't need to anymore.
do you have a fuck buddy?: that's what my friends called her the first few days after we met. :P but no.
if so, how long have y'all been fuck buddies? if not, why not? ...if not what? i hate unintelligently written surveys.
are you a freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets?: i am a lady in no context. but yeah, everyone assumes i am a nice little hetero. then they actually have a conversation with me...
do you listen to any specific music/songs to get you in the mood? what?: i am always in the mood, yo. but evanescence or the dresden dolls definitely comprise my fuck music of choice.
do you prefer to be completely naked, or do you like to wear sexy lingerie?: lingerie is so pointless. it's just going to get ripped off anyway. but sex with certain clothing is great. crotchless fishnets, for instance.
have you ever had sex with someone you met on myspace? (don't lie beezies): no.
are you able to have an orgasm through penetration? or just solo sex?: "solo sex"?? what the hell is solo sex?
how long do you typically wait to have sex with someone?:
"typically"?? it's not like i fuck a different person every month. though keri and i did fuck the first day we met. she is a seductress, though she thinks she is not.
do you put out on the first date?: see above.
do you have standards when it comes to who you have sex with?: yes. keri.
do you perform oral sex?: no, never. *rolls eyes* I'M A DYKE, DUDE.
do you like it? or do you just do it to please your partner?: i fucking love it.
if/when you do, do you make 'em wear a condom?: EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! no men.
have you been told you suck at sucking?: no. keri does tell me the guys would love me though, because i have no gag reflex. but ew. no men.
have you ever performed badly on purpose?: wtf? no. maybe on my ex; i don't remember. i don't like her very much, so we'll say yes.
do you like the dude/girl you're screwing to be vocal, or just take it?: vocal is good...
do you like it rough? or gentle? or do you like to switch it up?: both and everything.
lights on or off? and why?: depends on the mood. sometimes i like to see her face.
is it easier for you when you're drunk?: GOD NO. so much harder. lol.
have you found that a majority of your .. have been while you were drunk?: just twice.
do you prefer to be intoxicated when you fuck?: NO! didn't i already answer this? well, intoxicated with luuurve, maybe.
does it turn you on to keep some clothing on (skirt)?: oooh, skirt, YES, definitely.
have you ever role played? if so, who were you?: hehe yes... we mix it up. there's the dirty soccer coach/innocent new team member, prison inmates, professor/student (MMMMMM), the naughty irish stable boy (who actually turns out to be a girl) and the uptight rich woman (s)he works for... hehe... that's my faaaaaavorite...
what's something you would never do?: golden showers etc., and anything up the ass. and i wouldn't hurt her in bed - at least not seriously (i.e. no blood/cutting).
anal: is it for you? or an exit only kinda thing?: EWWWWWWW OMG.
do you like being bossed?: oh fuck yeah. i am sub extraordinaire.
what's your favorite position? (describe): they all work for me.
what's something you do that's different?: how would i know if it's "different" or not??
what is one of your specialties?: ask her...
do you like to listen to music when you're getting it on?: occasionally.
do you have to be in/on a bed?: hell no.
where's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?: the blockbuster parking lot. on a saturday night.
do you like the whole romance thing? candles, rose petals, etc.: eh... candles are okay, but i think rose petals would just get in the way.
or do you just like to let loose and fuck?: well DUH.
do you like your hair pulled and your ass spanked?: god yes.
or does that freak you out?: no.
do you enjoy watching yourself having sex?: heee kind of. i don't know. we don't have a mirror nearby but we made a video once.
do you worry about getting pregnant or contracting diseases?: keri says if she were a guy i would be "SO pregnant right now."
have you ever had sex with your parents in the next room?: yep (or her parents)... many times.
do you kiss during? or just before?: through all of it.
what do you do after? cuddle, shower, or leave?: cuddle... or start fucking again. or sometimes leave, if it's late and i have to work early. lol.
do you scream profanities when you're getting screwed?: like a sailor.
do you scream the other person's name?: no... we're not really name-screamers.
do you scream at all?: ohhh yes.
have you ever read a book or anything to get tips?: LOL!! no! i'm not my ex! :P
What do you think about penises?: OMG BARF.
what about vaginas?: well, i like keri's.
are you ever paranoid about your smell or taste?: no... apparently i taste fabulous.
do you have a fetish?: oh jeez, where to start. water, irish accents, role-playing... just to name a few.
how big of a deal is size?: ...size of WHAT.
is circumsion a factor for you at all?: EWWWWWWWWW.
how old were you when you lost your virginity?: 20.
are you cool with that? or did you wish you waited? did it sooner?: i'm very cool with that. it's one of my happiest/most exciting memories.
do you think aphrodisiacs work?: i wouldn't know... we don't need them. :P
do you even know what an aphrodisiac is?: duh.
what are your thoughts on group sex?: UGH. no way.
what about s&m?: bring it on.
if you were pregnant, would you still have sex?: i will NEVER be pregnant omg ew.
what's the nastiest sexual thing you've ever heard of?: ugh... those scary people who like to be pooped on.
do you know what felching is?: no, and i have a feeling i don't want to.
fisting?: ohhh yeah. love it.
snow blowing?: uh... i've been told several times, but i keep forgetting so it must be really gross.
rimming?: OMG EW.
do you use birth control?: LOL.
what kind?: ...
do you use it as often as you should?: ...
would you ever consider getting a tubal ligation?: a what? probably not, then.
how do you feel about scatology?: i don't know what it is but it's probably gross, isn't it?
water sports?: ...is this a sexual question?
roman showers?: um...
asphyxiation?: EW.
plushies?: LOL! freaks.
necrophilia?: ew. i wrote a cool paper on it once though.
does porn turn you on?: nope. unless it's keri porn. GOOD LESBIAN SOFT PORN (i.e. bound) is kinda hot. but anything else, ew.
are you lying?: ...no.
what kinda porn do you like?: none, unless it's our own.
do you own a sex toy?: well, we do communally; quite a few.
what kind?: a really decent leather strap-on, a few dildos, a vibrator (though we never use that), some bondagey stuff.
did you buy it for yourself?: we bought them together. <3 :P
is it better than the real thing?: what is "the real thing"??
have you ever used something not meant for sex in the bedroom?: oh hell yes. i was single for a LONG TIME. LOL.
what was it and did you like it?: shower squeegee (trust me, the shape was appropriate), flower vase... probably other stuff too.
what is the kinkiest thing you've ever done?: i don't know... we aren't particularly gross-kinky, but we bite a lot...
do you wish you waited til marriage to have sex?: if i did that i would still be a virgin, seeing as they won't let us get married.
do you feel guilty for having sex?: LOL. no.
do your parents know you're sexually active?: oh yes.
if not, would they freak out if they found out?: they hate it. they think i'm living in sin.
can you talk to them about sex?: OMG NO.
did you lose your virginity to someone you love?: i thought i loved her. stupid bitch. (<--me or her; i'm not sure.)
if not, do you regret that?: no. it taught me lots of stuff.
do you regret anything about your sexual past?: i don't regret things. they teach me lessons and bring me where i am now. and i love where i am now.
would you ever pay for sex?: LOL!
have you ever been paid for sex? doesn't have to be just money: my friend elyse wrote me a check "for sexual favors" once (yes, that was written in the memo line) but it was a joke. :P
have you ever had an std?: no.
what is your preferred verb for sexual intercourse?: "sexual intercourse" is hetero, so i call it breeding.
have you ever made a home movie?: yeeeeeeeeees. :)
would you ever?: we want to do more, but my camcorder is broken. :'(
if you did, what would you do with the tape?: uh, watch it?
would you ever star in a pornographic movie?: ew no.
do you honestly like it when someone plays with your butt?: i like having it grabbed or smacked but that's about it.
what do you think the age of consent should be?: i don't give a shit. i think they should just forget about it.
what do you think about bisexuality?: uh... not for me. we'll just leave it at that.
what are your thoughts on hair?: hair is nice. you can tease with it without even touching the "naughty bits".
what about breast implants?: EWWWWW NO.
butt plugs?: EW OMG.
cock rings?: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
cyber sex?: yeah, if that's all you've got at the moment.
have you ever had cyber sex? (be honest fool): yep.
does the thought of being a dominatrix excite you?: i don't think i'd be a very good one; i'm a sub.
is there such a thing as too big?: hell yes. i hate really big boobs.
what about going too long?: ...i don't think i can give a lesbian answer to this, so EW.
what would the perfect amount of time be for you?: for sex? it should go as long as possible. :P
do you know where the g spot is?: duh.
did you know that cereal was thought to be an anti-aphrodisiac?: LOL!!! REALLY? *throws away all cereal in house*
how do you handle being in the mood at an inopportune time?: we find a way around the "inopportune" and do it anyway.
how would you rate your libido?: high as it gets.
what's the longest you've ever gone without sex?: 20 years? :P
how long do you think you could go?: now?? I COULDN'T.
do you get cranky or mean when you don't get any for awhile?: definitely.
do you think the missionary position is too boring?: not particularly. strap-ons are fun.
have you ever had sex when you were stoned?: i've never been stoned. and never will be.
did you know that you can actually "break" a penis?: REALLY?? that's AWESOME.
what terms do you use for genitalia?: pussy sounds too porno for me... i like cunt. sharp, strong, direct.
have you ever read any erotica?: yeah; if it's from one of my fandoms, i love it.
did you like it?: see above.
do you think you're a pervert at all?: total perv.
why or why not?: a la xena in ff&g: "BECAUSE - IT'S - FUN!!!"
what do you think about genital piercings?: no way... i'd be to worried it would get ripped off.
have you ever been hurt during sex?: yes... both accidentally and intentionally. the former is fun for stories, and the latter is just fun because people go around saying "Danielle has a hickey!" and giggling. :D
do you spit or swallow? (guys, what do you prefer): swallow. who the hell would spit it out? it tastes fantastic.
what do you think about spooning?: love it.
do you like to be the big spoon? or the little spoon?: i'm taller so i'm typically the big spoon.
did you know that girls can't literally be "loose?": huh?
woman on top or bottom?: both. :P
how do you feel about voyeurism?: eh... the thought of other people having sex kind of grosses me out.
do you have a "type?": keri.
if you could create an ideal sex partner, what would he/she look like?: see above.
what would they do to you?: she's doin' it.
what would you wanna do to them?: i'm doin' it. :D
where and when would you do it?: everywhere and always.
did this survey make you wanna have sex?: i always want sex, dude.
if so, are you gonna go have sex now? either with someone or alone....: i am at work... keri's coming up here later on my break. :D
Copy and repost this with your answers! Be HONEST!
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:24 pm (UTC)I am looking forward to reading your entries!
and Keri sounds pretty awesome.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:28 pm (UTC)Tee hee...oh, and I already commented on this entry on Myspace, so, yeah, nuff said. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:30 pm (UTC)keri is awesome. then again, anyone who brings me scrat and underworld posters is awesome.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:33 pm (UTC)I still need to see "Underworld: Evolution," dammit...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:38 pm (UTC)and bitch, YES you need to see U:E... kate beckinsale in a skintight vinyl catsuit with clunky combat boots and glowy blue eyes? OMGDROOL.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:50 pm (UTC)uh...i'm a weirdo and you friended ME...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-08 03:55 pm (UTC)