REC ALERT.
Apr. 5th, 2009 03:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
behindtheclike red alert, only, not, ha ha, okay.
so, mycrush flirt buddy self-proclaimed soulmate lovely friend, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
redorchids, finally convinced me to give up my entire sunday morning/afternoon (i don't think it was phrased quite like this, but that's what it took) and read this fic she wrote a few months ago. apparently i am a colossal idiot, because this fic is possibly the best thing i've ever read in bandom. yeah. i said it. definitely in my top 3-5, whatever. this one will stay with me after all others have faded. no way you can read this and not love it. the intense creativity she employs, the way she weaves panic's lyrics into it (you'll never look at any of their songs the same), the simple beauty of the writing itself; it's all stunning. some of you have complimented my use of metaphor; my stuff is elementary school drivel compared what she does in this, srsly. you will never forget this fic. also it's got some of the hottest sex i've ever read in my life. there, that perked up your ears, didn't it. :P
here it is. read the prequel/prologue first. and you have to go down every single path because they are all incredible. there. if i plug the fic any harder i'll... insert boisecks/buttplug joke here.
also,moku_youbi is possibly my favourite person in the world as well, simply for this. OH GOD. i don't deserve you guys.
i motherfucking love my flist.
that said, i am now going to do something i never do and put on my tin hat, so for those of you who have been distressed by our fandom of late...
i don't tinhat; i love writing/reading all pairings that spark any interest to me, anyone for whom i can see some scrap of chemistry. but if we want to go all creeper and really look at the reality of these boys and their lives, here it is, in my opinion only. you will need to have beenstalking following their twitters (and associated twitters) and blog pretty hard to get all this, but i know you all do, so. and yes, my brain is stupid and lame, this is what i think about instead of life and intelligent things and the world; whatever, sue me. we're in fandom. this is what we do. i'm doing it.
a certain ~theory came to me last night about the current panic shenanigans. (for those who have missed, brendon is now following ryan, and jon has a twitter too \o/). say, perhaps, brendon and ryan had this. thing. whether it was fuck buddies, an actualfax relationship, or just this intense flirtation/dancing-around-each-other thing, i don't know. but it lasted and intensified until ryan realized it couldn't go further or he'd just lose himself in it, the media would find out, he wasn't ready, he was afraid of feeling that much, whatever. around the time he met keltie (or, possibly, sooner, when the band started taking off). you all know this is my personal canon. so he starts dating her, and whatever the thing was with brendon... stops. this has always made sense to me, because you can see it so much in interviews and pics, the way brendon has this intense LOOK AT ME, I STILL WANT YOU thing going and ryan is, clearly, DNW, GO AWAY. (there is only so much the boys can hide; this stuff is painfully obvious in certain interview/performance moments and photos, and ryan knows it, you can tell.) ryan still of course willingly hangs all over spencer and jon, so his overcompensation with ignoring bden is backfiring and making it all, as i said, painfully obvious. anyway, so, he cheats with strangers to escape (i've done it; it's hard to describe your motivation, but it's escape and low self-esteem, needing to feel wanted by everyone you can manage to snag). he can't do it with brendon, because, obviously. so eventually The Text Message of Doom (i don't think it was brendon, i just don't; some random chick maybe) comes through and keltie dumps him, as she should.
so brendon and ryan have this one-on-one encounter, where possibly all they do is sit on the couch and avoid eye contact, or stare into each other's eyes the whole time and not know what to say. the basic communication, essentially, is brendon being like, so, you're an ass and a cheater, but i'm kind of still in love with you, and i feel like i know why you did all those things, so maybe you should stop being all in denial and get together with me because we're clearly in love. (only, in not such obvious words at all.) ryan comes back with... i need time. i need time/space to figure out who i am, what i've done wrong and why, what i feel for you, and whether i can even do this. because, brendon, if we do this, we're doing this. (meaning, there's no going back, they would be hardcore in a relationship, with probable future of iowa marriage and adopted babies, and it's possible they've never even had sex at this point, or kissed; they just implicitly know there's this Thing between them.)
brendon is afraid. brendon thinks time/space will make ryan choose No Bden. brendon says okay, moves to california, and takes spencer and shane with him. spencer asks ryan, do you need me to stay with you, and ryan says no. no, he needs you more.
ryan moves to cali after awhile because he can't be that far away from his boys, just for the band's sake and for his sanity. also he loves pwentz, has mad crush on alex greenwald, etc. jon arrives, rescues ryan from himself, from spiders, rascals, and the perilous trails of the canyon. jon walker is amazing.
the time/space thing starts to work. ryan feels like things are starting to make more sense, that he knows what he wants (BDEN), but now he's afraid, because brendon is all LOOKIT ME, I DON'T NEED YOUZ, I HAS A SHANE AND A SPENCE, SEE, I'M FINE, I'M FINE, LOOKIT HOW FINE I AM! and inside is flailing and keymashing. ryan doesn't see inside; ryan only sees, okay, wow, look at that, he doesn't need me after all. none of them do. and all it took is a dumb, short little separation for them to realize it. so he retreats further. hence the lonely blogs, lonely twitters, lonely everything.
jon's like, look. maybe brendon's full of it or in denial. he's scared. he's angry. he's longing. maybe you're going to have to take the first step.
so, spurred on by jon's words of wisdom and the fans' incessant freak-outs, ryan finally adds him on twitter. the first step.
brendon stares at his computer and doesn't know what to do. he's mad. he misses ryan. he thinks the separation was pointless (b/c they haven't been talking so he doesn't realize it's not pointless at all). he doesn't like this cryptic first step. but eventually he figures it's probably better to add him back than not add him back. that leaves us with... now.
they go to africa... insert stuff here. ryden confessions come out at some point in fantastically epic ways. they slowly start rebuilding whatever they had left behind when ryan started seeing keltie. and fall in love all over again, i suppose.
there. go write fic about this. if someone doesn't, i absolutely WILL and i do not want to write a 100k-word epic about this entire plot that i just, oh god, OUTLINED. i don't want to, oh god i don't. but i WILL if someone doesn't stop me, because that is how we work, isn't it. as writers, we write because we have to. our brains won't let us not do it, once the idea's there. but anyway, maybe i won't have to, because pccf kind of is my interpretation of how all this pans out, so, there, that's enough.
as i was writing this, the following came to my phone:
brendonuriesays: some people want answers, but i've never really been good at explaining myself
...i have no words. (except for the ones with which i replied to him, but.)
thoughts? additions? critique? theorize with me. i know some people will read this and think, oh my god, who cares, it's just fan fiction, leave the boys alone and stop trying to fit them into this world you want them in. but for the rest of us... eh, whatever. i can do whatever i want with them in my head, and they can lead a life totally opposite of what i think, and that's fine. i'm not going to knock on their doors and yell "BE IN LOVE, DAMN IT!" (lolz, picturing morning!ryan half awake and answering his door, scratching his head, being like, "whassitabout?") but i like thinking what i want. RPF fandom is a creepy, embarrassing place to be part of, but we're here. let's embrace our lameness and do what we love. ;)
that said, keri and i are gonna go scope out some skate rails at the local high school. what's in it for me?possible sightings of hot teenage boys spending time with my loved one. ♥
p.s. chapter 7 is about halfway done (there is a chance, a chance, i'll have to split it into two chapters but i really don't want to; we'll see; it's just so long already); hopefully will have it up by thursday as usual.
so, my
redorchids, finally convinced me to give up my entire sunday morning/afternoon (i don't think it was phrased quite like this, but that's what it took) and read this fic she wrote a few months ago. apparently i am a colossal idiot, because this fic is possibly the best thing i've ever read in bandom. yeah. i said it. definitely in my top 3-5, whatever. this one will stay with me after all others have faded. no way you can read this and not love it. the intense creativity she employs, the way she weaves panic's lyrics into it (you'll never look at any of their songs the same), the simple beauty of the writing itself; it's all stunning. some of you have complimented my use of metaphor; my stuff is elementary school drivel compared what she does in this, srsly. you will never forget this fic. also it's got some of the hottest sex i've ever read in my life. there, that perked up your ears, didn't it. :Phere it is. read the prequel/prologue first. and you have to go down every single path because they are all incredible. there. if i plug the fic any harder i'll... insert boisecks/buttplug joke here.
also,
moku_youbi is possibly my favourite person in the world as well, simply for this. OH GOD. i don't deserve you guys.i motherfucking love my flist.
that said, i am now going to do something i never do and put on my tin hat, so for those of you who have been distressed by our fandom of late...
i don't tinhat; i love writing/reading all pairings that spark any interest to me, anyone for whom i can see some scrap of chemistry. but if we want to go all creeper and really look at the reality of these boys and their lives, here it is, in my opinion only. you will need to have been
a certain ~theory came to me last night about the current panic shenanigans. (for those who have missed, brendon is now following ryan, and jon has a twitter too \o/). say, perhaps, brendon and ryan had this. thing. whether it was fuck buddies, an actualfax relationship, or just this intense flirtation/dancing-around-each-other thing, i don't know. but it lasted and intensified until ryan realized it couldn't go further or he'd just lose himself in it, the media would find out, he wasn't ready, he was afraid of feeling that much, whatever. around the time he met keltie (or, possibly, sooner, when the band started taking off). you all know this is my personal canon. so he starts dating her, and whatever the thing was with brendon... stops. this has always made sense to me, because you can see it so much in interviews and pics, the way brendon has this intense LOOK AT ME, I STILL WANT YOU thing going and ryan is, clearly, DNW, GO AWAY. (there is only so much the boys can hide; this stuff is painfully obvious in certain interview/performance moments and photos, and ryan knows it, you can tell.) ryan still of course willingly hangs all over spencer and jon, so his overcompensation with ignoring bden is backfiring and making it all, as i said, painfully obvious. anyway, so, he cheats with strangers to escape (i've done it; it's hard to describe your motivation, but it's escape and low self-esteem, needing to feel wanted by everyone you can manage to snag). he can't do it with brendon, because, obviously. so eventually The Text Message of Doom (i don't think it was brendon, i just don't; some random chick maybe) comes through and keltie dumps him, as she should.
so brendon and ryan have this one-on-one encounter, where possibly all they do is sit on the couch and avoid eye contact, or stare into each other's eyes the whole time and not know what to say. the basic communication, essentially, is brendon being like, so, you're an ass and a cheater, but i'm kind of still in love with you, and i feel like i know why you did all those things, so maybe you should stop being all in denial and get together with me because we're clearly in love. (only, in not such obvious words at all.) ryan comes back with... i need time. i need time/space to figure out who i am, what i've done wrong and why, what i feel for you, and whether i can even do this. because, brendon, if we do this, we're doing this. (meaning, there's no going back, they would be hardcore in a relationship, with probable future of iowa marriage and adopted babies, and it's possible they've never even had sex at this point, or kissed; they just implicitly know there's this Thing between them.)
brendon is afraid. brendon thinks time/space will make ryan choose No Bden. brendon says okay, moves to california, and takes spencer and shane with him. spencer asks ryan, do you need me to stay with you, and ryan says no. no, he needs you more.
ryan moves to cali after awhile because he can't be that far away from his boys, just for the band's sake and for his sanity. also he loves pwentz, has mad crush on alex greenwald, etc. jon arrives, rescues ryan from himself, from spiders, rascals, and the perilous trails of the canyon. jon walker is amazing.
the time/space thing starts to work. ryan feels like things are starting to make more sense, that he knows what he wants (BDEN), but now he's afraid, because brendon is all LOOKIT ME, I DON'T NEED YOUZ, I HAS A SHANE AND A SPENCE, SEE, I'M FINE, I'M FINE, LOOKIT HOW FINE I AM! and inside is flailing and keymashing. ryan doesn't see inside; ryan only sees, okay, wow, look at that, he doesn't need me after all. none of them do. and all it took is a dumb, short little separation for them to realize it. so he retreats further. hence the lonely blogs, lonely twitters, lonely everything.
jon's like, look. maybe brendon's full of it or in denial. he's scared. he's angry. he's longing. maybe you're going to have to take the first step.
so, spurred on by jon's words of wisdom and the fans' incessant freak-outs, ryan finally adds him on twitter. the first step.
brendon stares at his computer and doesn't know what to do. he's mad. he misses ryan. he thinks the separation was pointless (b/c they haven't been talking so he doesn't realize it's not pointless at all). he doesn't like this cryptic first step. but eventually he figures it's probably better to add him back than not add him back. that leaves us with... now.
they go to africa... insert stuff here. ryden confessions come out at some point in fantastically epic ways. they slowly start rebuilding whatever they had left behind when ryan started seeing keltie. and fall in love all over again, i suppose.
there. go write fic about this. if someone doesn't, i absolutely WILL and i do not want to write a 100k-word epic about this entire plot that i just, oh god, OUTLINED. i don't want to, oh god i don't. but i WILL if someone doesn't stop me, because that is how we work, isn't it. as writers, we write because we have to. our brains won't let us not do it, once the idea's there. but anyway, maybe i won't have to, because pccf kind of is my interpretation of how all this pans out, so, there, that's enough.
as i was writing this, the following came to my phone:
brendonuriesays: some people want answers, but i've never really been good at explaining myself
...i have no words. (except for the ones with which i replied to him, but.)
thoughts? additions? critique? theorize with me. i know some people will read this and think, oh my god, who cares, it's just fan fiction, leave the boys alone and stop trying to fit them into this world you want them in. but for the rest of us... eh, whatever. i can do whatever i want with them in my head, and they can lead a life totally opposite of what i think, and that's fine. i'm not going to knock on their doors and yell "BE IN LOVE, DAMN IT!" (lolz, picturing morning!ryan half awake and answering his door, scratching his head, being like, "whassitabout?") but i like thinking what i want. RPF fandom is a creepy, embarrassing place to be part of, but we're here. let's embrace our lameness and do what we love. ;)
that said, keri and i are gonna go scope out some skate rails at the local high school. what's in it for me?
p.s. chapter 7 is about halfway done (there is a chance, a chance, i'll have to split it into two chapters but i really don't want to; we'll see; it's just so long already); hopefully will have it up by thursday as usual.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 02:32 am (UTC)Seriously.
This HAS to be their real lives.
(At least, in my opinion, you have totally hit the nail on the head)
\o/
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 12:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 02:49 am (UTC)-When I talked to Pete Wentz about how your sound and look have changed, he said, “They’re more gay in a totally other way.” What do you think he meant?
Zpence: [Laughs] He sounds so smart, you know... Let me try to dissect what that could possibly mean. It’s definitely true that we’re totally gay, and that’s the first point that should be made. When we came out with the first record, there was a very specific style and look that we had for that. Then a lot of people thought that it was really strange that we weren’t just going to perform under a circus top forever. So I think that what he’s trying to say is that the first album, people thought we were gay, especially Brendon -- which may be true. Undetermined at this point. He doesn’t have a wife, so… And on the second album, they thought we were gay, but like gay hippies with beards. And so it is a whole other kind of gay. It’s still there, it’s just presented a little bit differently. But maybe that’s completely bullshit. Maybe even Pete couldn’t figure out what he meant.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 02:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 04:23 am (UTC)http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/fast-and-furious/1081305/
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 02:01 pm (UTC)yay seth rogen! \o/ thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 04:01 am (UTC)No joke.
I could feel my heartbeat get faster and faster as I was reading this and now I want them to come back from Africa and be stupidly, obviously, painfully in love.
I'm not going to settle for anything less than what you have just written, I'll have you know. There's no way that I'll be able to look at this whole situation and not recap exactly what you have written in my head, playing it over and over until I die or something comes from it.
As if my brain wasn't a messy place already.
Also, the entire part with Jon being amazing just made my heart turn to mush and I just might have squealed loudly and flailed my arms like a thirteen year old schoolgirl with a crush on Aaron Carter or something.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 02:29 pm (UTC)eh, moku_youbi is writing it, and it'll be way better than if i did it. i'd make it too dramatic.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 06:01 am (UTC)OMFG.
White powder on his FACE.
JFC, Ross.
Maybe Brendon is sad because Ryan is doing coke off stripper's asses without him?
:' (((((((((((
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 02:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 09:42 pm (UTC)Why couldn't you cheat on her with me? I've been begging you with my eyes for two years and you've done nothing.
I've been writing an epically long canon fic for the past month (currently over 10,000 words) and it includes the whole fight. It includes everything really. I don't believe that Ryan and Brendon "dated" persay in era '06, but I think Brendon was just kind of all "Hey, I like you." Ryan knew, of course, as it's obvious he does.
Also, on the topic of FA, I had an idea about that (which I have already written) that when Ryan was trying to put together the first draft of album numero 2, he kind of had a breakdown. He realized it was shit and just ran. He took off from the cabin and just left everything behind, including Brendon, and just drove.
Brendon, on the other hand, was just kind of like shit, gotta do something about this and wrote a song, like hey, come back to me, I'm still waiting for you. Ryan returns, of course, with a few scarves and a new outlook on life.
But your theory makes a lot more sense. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-07 12:48 pm (UTC)that's awesome! i look forward to reading it. canon is the best. <3
i like that theory about FA! i'm sure they had loads of breakdowns. the cabin fiasco was so crazy. lol
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-06 11:01 pm (UTC)How do you manage to basically put everything i am trying to articulate into words, yet again???
And yay for you tin hatting for a tiny little bit! Join us. :P
Anyways... I IS WRITING FIC ON THIS NAO, OK? Maybe not epic 100k stuff... like 3k standalone featuring a reunion between Ryan and Brendon that is kinda mega-angst central? Y/Y?
Hope you enjoy anyways. :)
I also completely agree with your personal canon. *nods*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-07 12:52 pm (UTC)VERY EXCITED ABOUT THE FIC. WANT NAO. moku_youbi is writing the Epic version of it, so, YAY.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-07 12:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-07 10:08 pm (UTC)I wish you would write this I really do. You would make this all so beautiful and heartfelt.
I <3 you and your brain...
<3
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-07 10:37 pm (UTC)moku_youbi is gonna write it, and she's amazing. :D
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-13 05:44 am (UTC)So. We'll see.
[but, btw, i saw Bden's twitter, and my heart stopped beating for a second.]
<3
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-13 05:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-13 03:45 pm (UTC)brendon's tweets are... idk. panic is nuts right now. hopefully in the good way.