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insert wentzly cryptic subject line here.
Jun. 18th, 2008 01:19 pmyes. i just emo-tagged it.
it's not even worth cutting. (ahaha when i read that it sounds like "it" is the generic "it" or referring to life and cutting is referring to a razor, not LJ, HAHAHA, AND IT'S FUNNY B/C BOTH INTERPRETATIONS ARE EQUALLY TRUE.)
atheism.
When Brent described you as "emo and kind of gay, but he writes good lyrics," for some reason I pictured someone like Brent, because going off his voice I'd always thought Brent was kind of gay too, and his lyrics weren't bad either, at least compared to mine, which were shit. I did notes, not words. At least, not mine. Never much wanted to do anyone else's, either. Then I read yours.
I read them before I met you, with Brent's hastily scribbled tabs beside them so I could be prepared, maybe make less of a fool of myself. I willed my eyes to ignore his messy, ungainly scrawl next to your thin, carefully jagged letters that looked like you'd been trying to carve them into the page the way they'd carved themselves into you. I found myself wondering if there were scars, and if I'd ever get to see them. I read them until I memorized them, not because I was trying, but because my brain wouldn't let them go. I read them and prayed (because I still believed in that back then). I prayed, please be ugly, or mean, or just hate me. Didn't even realize I was praying to you. But I kept praying. It would've been easier not to fall. When I fall, I don't tend to get back up very easily, and when I do, something's always broken.
Then I met you, in your pink Fall Out Boy tee, took in your eyes and your fingers and the way you put the "skinny" in skinny jeans, and I couldn't hear your voice over my own heartbeat. I'd fallen, and all I could do was wait until you picked me up.
Four years later, I'm still waiting. Still at your feet, looking up, wondering how much will be broken if I ever get back up.
I never prayed again.
Four years later, I'm still waiting. Still at your feet, looking up, wondering how much will be broken if I ever get back up.
I never prayed again.
