525,600 minutes.
Mar. 31st, 2009 07:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
behindthecgo read The way you make me feel (it knocks me off my feet) by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
siubhlach. unf.
also, here is the actual interview from the rywalk backrub gif that went viral last week. "we don't like drugs or girls." oh, jon walker, how are you real. speaking of this band's unrealness, ryan and spencer's twitters, oh fucking god. RYAN'S BUYING HIM SHORTS, YOU GUYS. BECAUSE HE KNOWS SPENCER'S SIZE AND WHAT KIND HE'D LIKE, AND. AND. YOU GUYS. i. just. ♥!! someone, please, right now, write me endless present-day fic about ryan and spencer realizing they have possibly been in love forever and are married. GO.
and now,
i honestly cannot decide what my next project is going to be. i want to write another standalone before i start something epic, as seems to be my usual now, just to shake things up, but i'm not... like, inspired for the peterick i was going to do. idk. and i have no other oneshot ideas. can anyone remember me saying i was going to do something? maybe that jonrad when jon left for panic. idk. i know i said i was going to write that epic billrad next, but... i'm just not obsessive over it at the moment. the story i always end up writing is the one i'm fangirling in my brain. it has to be that way; that's how they turn out as well as they do (er, i assume they do 'cause you tell me they do), because i think about it 24/7 and get all obsessed with it.
it was a tossup between blind!fic (ryden or gsf) and aids!fic (moku_youbi and i seem to share a passion for torturing brendon urie), but i honestly am leaning towards aids!fic. i'm still stuck on brendon/spencer for it, but all you ryden tinhatters have to promise me you'll read it anyway. ;) not to toot my own horn, but i've been told time and again i have a tendency to convert people to pairings they never would've liked or imagined. let's hope i've still got it. and it's so weird, because a few months ago i'd never have even considered brencer. they were the hardest for me to visualize until recently. just too much canon goodness in the past year between them to ignore. they seem to have grown up together, in toward each other, in some way. if that makes any sense. i'm trying to justify the way the band is currently in a rywalk/brencer split. it makes me sad. but yeah, i feel like spencer's a good choice. because he seems so strong, so he'd be what brendon needs... but i also really want to see him break down when brendon starts declining. I WANT TO SEE SPENCER SMITH CRY, OKAY. i want to see him crying and yelling about how he can't do this, but being too concerned to let himself break down in front of brendon so he goes outside on the deck and calls ryan on his cell and breaks down there, but brendon comes out and sees him anyway. i heard one exchange in my head where breakdowny!ryan was like, "i'm fucking losing him, spence," and spence snaps back, "we're ALL losing him, and some of us are in love with him." and brendon happens to walk in the room right at that moment (it's the first time spencer's admitted it to anyone). ;asj;fijao4rja;w3;aoio!!!!! this is seriously going to be the angstiest fic that ever angsted, oh god. falling in love with someone after you find out they're dying? jfc. and brendon trying to avoid it, trying to shoo spencer away, being all "DON'T LOVE ME, I'LL BE GONE SOON." only, with less cheesy lines.
i don't know; i have nothing concretely planned for this fic. throw out any ideas you have, anything that comes to mind. i have ryan as being very breakdowny, withdrawn and angry and just losing it a lot (i strongly feel ryan ross responds to loss of control with anger). i've visualized a scene where he and spence and jon accompany brendon when he tells his family he's got HIV. (to make it even worse, maybe he hasn't even come OUT to them yet, oh god. no, i couldn't do that.) ryan basically breaks down and can't do it, and bren's like, it's okay, it's okay, you can go, and jon goes after him, and so spence stays with brendon while he tells them. then there's also the issue of the media, how/when they decide to go public with it (early on, or by obligation after an on-stage breakdown?), and the stress of the industry's/fans' reactions. i have an image of one scene where brendon's starting to get worse, and he passes out one night on stage. i feel like the disease is going to progress pretty quickly with him (i mean, many people live years and sometimes decades with the virus; i can't cover all that here). i also remember very, very little about HIV/AIDS. i wrote rentfic back in the day but all i remember is... um... AZT. t-cells. low = bad, high = good. help me out? rent was set like, 20 yrs ago. there are advancements, i'm sure. spew random facts? give me something to start with? brainstorm with me, anything? is there anyone who knows a lot about the disease that would be willing to sort of be my point person while i'm writing? have me throw you scenes and ideas and be all, "is this realistic?" and ask other dumb questions?
other random images i had were of brendon refusing to go to support groups for awhile; angsting that no one will ever want him again, and spence not knowing how to say, "hey, dickface, i want you," afraid of rejection... i see spence coming home one day to find bden has like, terrorized the house, broken half his shit, his guitars. and once all the ~feelings come out later, i can see bden totally being all, fine, but we are NEVER having sex, too risky, etc. (of course, they eventually will, and spencer will tell ryan, and ryan will shitflip, etc.) also had the image of spence coming home one day to find brendon curled up on the couch with a blanket and watching RENT. and like, bawling. because brendon is totally going to have loads of pathetic moments in this, to counteract all the times he's strong and positive.
okay, so maybe i do have some concrete ideas for this. \o/
i am also vaaaaguely considering a spencer/ryan sequel... or possible spence/ryan/jon sequel. but i wouldn't want it be just misdirected bonding over bden's death (<--a phrase i never want to use again in my life, oh god). i want it to be more. and i want them to still be a band, but i know they couldn't be, and i don't know what i'd DO with them, what would i DO with them? would ryan finish college, teach music? or teach writing? work with pete? what would spence do, and jon? i'd need desperately to keep them together, but i'd want it to be realistic. idk. maybe no sequel. throw out thoughts for this too. oh, and i suppose i'll need a brencer icon for this. throw your favorite photos my way. (ETA: got one! so it has the same quote as my bilvy icon; who cares. it fits. ♥ thanks tothe_randomist for the link to the picspam of epic epicness.)
oh, and seriously guys, five pages of comments on chapter 6? you make me feel so loved. thank you, ferrealz. ♥
in case you hadn't noticed, i'm taking a short break from pccf. 7 should be up hopefully next week, but i need a breather this week. no worries, it's all planned and outlined and part of a scene is written. it's just my professional and personal life are both under intense amounts of stress right now, and i just kind of need to. not commit to a damn thing for a few days. think about something else (aids!fic). thanks for understanding. on the upside, there is going to be a scene of one-on-one b-ball in the driveway. i haven't yet determined whether this is going to be inordinately faily, or one of those random boythings at which ryan happens to be awesome (like cars). either way, shirtless sweaty boys all up in each other's space, yo. \o/
also,takkatakkatakka came up with the best texting exchange ever (ever) in the last entry's comments:
in reply to who tops: your MOM tops
spencer's response: only with ryan
HEH. HEH HEH.
siubhlach. unf.also, here is the actual interview from the rywalk backrub gif that went viral last week. "we don't like drugs or girls." oh, jon walker, how are you real. speaking of this band's unrealness, ryan and spencer's twitters, oh fucking god. RYAN'S BUYING HIM SHORTS, YOU GUYS. BECAUSE HE KNOWS SPENCER'S SIZE AND WHAT KIND HE'D LIKE, AND. AND. YOU GUYS. i. just. ♥!! someone, please, right now, write me endless present-day fic about ryan and spencer realizing they have possibly been in love forever and are married. GO.
and now,
i honestly cannot decide what my next project is going to be. i want to write another standalone before i start something epic, as seems to be my usual now, just to shake things up, but i'm not... like, inspired for the peterick i was going to do. idk. and i have no other oneshot ideas. can anyone remember me saying i was going to do something? maybe that jonrad when jon left for panic. idk. i know i said i was going to write that epic billrad next, but... i'm just not obsessive over it at the moment. the story i always end up writing is the one i'm fangirling in my brain. it has to be that way; that's how they turn out as well as they do (er, i assume they do 'cause you tell me they do), because i think about it 24/7 and get all obsessed with it.
it was a tossup between blind!fic (ryden or gsf) and aids!fic (
moku_youbi and i seem to share a passion for torturing brendon urie), but i honestly am leaning towards aids!fic. i'm still stuck on brendon/spencer for it, but all you ryden tinhatters have to promise me you'll read it anyway. ;) not to toot my own horn, but i've been told time and again i have a tendency to convert people to pairings they never would've liked or imagined. let's hope i've still got it. and it's so weird, because a few months ago i'd never have even considered brencer. they were the hardest for me to visualize until recently. just too much canon goodness in the past year between them to ignore. they seem to have grown up together, in toward each other, in some way. if that makes any sense. i'm trying to justify the way the band is currently in a rywalk/brencer split. it makes me sad. but yeah, i feel like spencer's a good choice. because he seems so strong, so he'd be what brendon needs... but i also really want to see him break down when brendon starts declining. I WANT TO SEE SPENCER SMITH CRY, OKAY. i want to see him crying and yelling about how he can't do this, but being too concerned to let himself break down in front of brendon so he goes outside on the deck and calls ryan on his cell and breaks down there, but brendon comes out and sees him anyway. i heard one exchange in my head where breakdowny!ryan was like, "i'm fucking losing him, spence," and spence snaps back, "we're ALL losing him, and some of us are in love with him." and brendon happens to walk in the room right at that moment (it's the first time spencer's admitted it to anyone). ;asj;fijao4rja;w3;aoio!!!!! this is seriously going to be the angstiest fic that ever angsted, oh god. falling in love with someone after you find out they're dying? jfc. and brendon trying to avoid it, trying to shoo spencer away, being all "DON'T LOVE ME, I'LL BE GONE SOON." only, with less cheesy lines.i don't know; i have nothing concretely planned for this fic. throw out any ideas you have, anything that comes to mind. i have ryan as being very breakdowny, withdrawn and angry and just losing it a lot (i strongly feel ryan ross responds to loss of control with anger). i've visualized a scene where he and spence and jon accompany brendon when he tells his family he's got HIV. (to make it even worse, maybe he hasn't even come OUT to them yet, oh god. no, i couldn't do that.) ryan basically breaks down and can't do it, and bren's like, it's okay, it's okay, you can go, and jon goes after him, and so spence stays with brendon while he tells them. then there's also the issue of the media, how/when they decide to go public with it (early on, or by obligation after an on-stage breakdown?), and the stress of the industry's/fans' reactions. i have an image of one scene where brendon's starting to get worse, and he passes out one night on stage. i feel like the disease is going to progress pretty quickly with him (i mean, many people live years and sometimes decades with the virus; i can't cover all that here). i also remember very, very little about HIV/AIDS. i wrote rentfic back in the day but all i remember is... um... AZT. t-cells. low = bad, high = good. help me out? rent was set like, 20 yrs ago. there are advancements, i'm sure. spew random facts? give me something to start with? brainstorm with me, anything? is there anyone who knows a lot about the disease that would be willing to sort of be my point person while i'm writing? have me throw you scenes and ideas and be all, "is this realistic?" and ask other dumb questions?
other random images i had were of brendon refusing to go to support groups for awhile; angsting that no one will ever want him again, and spence not knowing how to say, "hey, dickface, i want you," afraid of rejection... i see spence coming home one day to find bden has like, terrorized the house, broken half his shit, his guitars. and once all the ~feelings come out later, i can see bden totally being all, fine, but we are NEVER having sex, too risky, etc. (of course, they eventually will, and spencer will tell ryan, and ryan will shitflip, etc.) also had the image of spence coming home one day to find brendon curled up on the couch with a blanket and watching RENT. and like, bawling. because brendon is totally going to have loads of pathetic moments in this, to counteract all the times he's strong and positive.
okay, so maybe i do have some concrete ideas for this. \o/
i am also vaaaaguely considering a spencer/ryan sequel... or possible spence/ryan/jon sequel. but i wouldn't want it be just misdirected bonding over bden's death (<--a phrase i never want to use again in my life, oh god). i want it to be more. and i want them to still be a band, but i know they couldn't be, and i don't know what i'd DO with them, what would i DO with them? would ryan finish college, teach music? or teach writing? work with pete? what would spence do, and jon? i'd need desperately to keep them together, but i'd want it to be realistic. idk. maybe no sequel. throw out thoughts for this too. oh, and i suppose i'll need a brencer icon for this. throw your favorite photos my way. (ETA: got one! so it has the same quote as my bilvy icon; who cares. it fits. ♥ thanks to
the_randomist for the link to the picspam of epic epicness.)oh, and seriously guys, five pages of comments on chapter 6? you make me feel so loved. thank you, ferrealz. ♥
in case you hadn't noticed, i'm taking a short break from pccf. 7 should be up hopefully next week, but i need a breather this week. no worries, it's all planned and outlined and part of a scene is written. it's just my professional and personal life are both under intense amounts of stress right now, and i just kind of need to. not commit to a damn thing for a few days. think about something else (aids!fic). thanks for understanding. on the upside, there is going to be a scene of one-on-one b-ball in the driveway. i haven't yet determined whether this is going to be inordinately faily, or one of those random boythings at which ryan happens to be awesome (like cars). either way, shirtless sweaty boys all up in each other's space, yo. \o/
also,
takkatakkatakka came up with the best texting exchange ever (ever) in the last entry's comments:in reply to who tops: your MOM tops
spencer's response: only with ryan
HEH. HEH HEH.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 04:03 pm (UTC)oh man, you dont have to do that LOL but that just came to me i. i dont. idk.
my cousin died of AIDS. if you have questions, i'll try to answer them. i didn't know him well, but. i can try. it may be hard, though. i'm not sure.
also. i'm not sure about this icon? cause spencer's smiling and its supposed to be sad (but that could be kind of symbolic in a way) but i think brendon looks fitting, or something:
you need to do this. fuck the peterick. THIS. and if you need support or anything along the way, because i KNOW this will be emotional and with the way you involve yourself in your projects--get SO wrapped up in the story--i'm afraid for you. i don't this to...idk. just, i'm here. for confidence/support/someone to talk to. you know that. <33
but, i really have a lot of confidence that you can DO THIS. you can, bb. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 04:36 pm (UTC)THAT IMAGE, OH GOD. PERFECT. YOU = GENIUS. yeah, spencer's gonna move in with brendon (or vice versa) pretty early on, actually. i think what's gonna happen is this will all start in california about a year from now, and when brendon starts getting sick, he's all, "i want to go home," so they move back to vegas, and he lives with spencer, and ryan gets a place and maybe jon moves in with ryan. shane is in the midst of his Big Break (!) in LA. so he can't move back, but he comes to visit a lot. but spence'll be the one takign care of bren.
MAYBE SHANE CAN MAKE A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT AIDS, LIKE FROM A REAL-LIFE PERSPECTIVE. WITH, Y'KNOW, BRENDON AS THE SUBJECT. idk if that would be good or bad, though. i just feel like it would be compelling and heartbreaking.
bb, fuck, i'm sorry about your cousin. <3 that's so... gah. just knowing someone directly.
fuck, that icon. just. fuck. i think i want one of them looking at each other or hugging though. and smiling, both of them. i want to remember them happy.
OH GOD i'm gonna cry. here. at my desk. I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE FIC.
<33333 thanks bb. i will totally need your support. ily so much.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 05:56 pm (UTC)they had something like that at my cousin's funeral. they had this memorial wall with a bunch of pictures and flowers and stuff. and there was this letter that he wrote to his closest family members and his partner right before he died in the center and it just. guh, it was heartbreaking.
dey lookz happie. :P
DON'T CRY. look at my bb!spencer icon!! and the happy brencer icon!! and, bb, it's alright. this is a really tough subject to write about. and you have so much courage to be taking this on. i'm very proud of you for it. and, god, i know you're going to do such a wonderful job with this. not many people would be able to pull this off like i know you will. you're just gonna a need a few laughs and things to lift your spirits along the way. and you've got plenty of people, including me, to help you with that along the way. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 05:58 pm (UTC)it totally took this out, but i said that there was this ryden-y looking icon of spencer and brendon and it was this:
one of those 'caught in the moment' scenes of love. omg <3333
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 06:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 06:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 06:05 pm (UTC)the pictures. the pictures. that shane puts together. and spencer. watching. and.
i don't know if i can write this fic. :'(
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 06:21 pm (UTC)like, here. you need to have a jon and brendon moment. everyone's all "OMG SPENCER LOVES HIM AND WILL BE DEVISTATED!! AND RYAN CANT GO ON BECAUSE BRENDON IS HIS VOICE!! AJIDFJFISDJFI!" but what about jon? we cant forget about old loveable jwalk who makes everything better, now can we?
so jon can take brendon out for ice cream or something. and they can talk and have this really cute bff scene and they can go on a walk with their ice cream and jon can take brendon to the pet store (because, duh, puppies make EVERYTHING better) and they play with the puppies? and maybe jon buys him one?
and there can be more jwalk moments. because jwalk makes life better. always.
idk, but think of happy moments. and throw those in there. brainstorm happy things. :) YOU CAN WRITE THIS FIC. i KNOW you can. and want you to, because i know you want to. you can do this, bb.
here are a couple cute picpams i found. they're more brendon-based, but they are cute. and make me smile. so here:
http://cocaineflame.livejournal.com/104212.html
http://l-awlietxoxx.livejournal.com/24108.html#cutid1
ily bb. do you got an other happy ideas? throw them at me. i wanna hear your ~thoughts. plus, it'll get you in a better mindset. :) <33
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-01 04:28 pm (UTC)i like the jwalk moment. thank you. i'm sure i will come up with other happy things. i want them all to do an OUT interview (the whole band this time) and ryan's going to say something like, "I think we're all a little in love with brendon," and they share this beautiful rydeny moment/smile. another time they all take brendon on some awesome magical vacation, before he gets too sick.
<3
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 06:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-31 06:30 pm (UTC)