behindthec: (ryden.)
i really don't want to sound like a bitch, but please stop asking when chapter 8 will be up. i'm sort of in a life crisis here, so fic is kind of my last priority. [livejournal.com profile] redorchids is keeping me sane and working on it with me. it won't be posted until we're both satisfied and until she finishes the accompanying video. don't expect anything for at least another week, i'd say. thanks for all your responses to my last post and for the emails (i will try to respond at some point). it means a lot. again, won't be answering comments here, i'm sorry, but i'm just not up to it. i promise i'll respond to every single one when i post the last chapter. i'm just living in a daze right now and don't really have the energy.

have another teaser.


Ryan's hands are on him before he remembers it's coming. It's grown so integral to their practice that it would feel stranger without it, the intimacy of both the poses and their relationship having evolved at the same pace, but it would be pointless and stupid to forfeit one just because the other has --

Failed is the first word to break through all his repression and Brendon feels himself tremble at the thought, the wounds still fresh and gaping between them, but he doesn't flinch, he doesn't, when Ryan wraps around him, fingers trembling in Brendon's and gripping tighter just to still themselves. Ryan's breath is like burning on the tight line of his shoulder, his chest a blinding sheet of fire where it's molded to Brendon's bare back, their hips aligned and locked like it's the only thing left in the world that fits. Brendon holds on and lets go all at once, giving himself to the implicit plea for trust that's running hot across Ryan's skin, seeping into Brendon's everywhere they touch. He's been laid out for more boys than he can count, tied up and stripped down and spread open, vulnerable to the highest, but he's never felt more exposed than he does now, with Ryan his anchor, still the only one to ever make him fall and now the only one to stop him crashing.


behindthec: (piano)
pccf rambling. )

here, have a teaser. this one's hers, and just, ngh.

They lie there, breathing together, hiding from the world while their bodies cool and the sounds from outside start to filter back in through the open window. Brendon figures he should pull out, roll away, be angry with Ryan for pushing him into this or with himself for nodding along—cry, yell—something; anything other than just curling himself tighter around the body next to him and burying his face against the dark hair. It doesn't make sense for him to cling to Ryan—not when it's Ryan that's making him break—but thinking of letting go is worse, so Brendon clings. His body starts to shake, so he squeezes harder, the emotional equivalent of trying to swim in quicksand and probably just as futile, but it's what he's got, so he'll take it. And when he closes his eyes and breathes in the smell of Ryan—of them, and this, skin mingling together—then at least he knows that it wasn't all a dream.

behindthec: (Default)
in light of what we've all been talking about here lately, the absence of ryan and jon may make you ache, as it did for me, but still, this is present-day canon and exceedingly hot and well-written, and we all know i can't resist anything that falls under those categories: circumnavigating foundations by [livejournal.com profile] colorofsmoke.

thanks to everyone who's been indulging my bratty whining, writing me drabbles and fic and trying to appease my melodramatic reactions to current fandom.  you guys are so, so awesome.  i'm off today, so in between chores and errands, i plan to do nothing but write ch 7. have a teaser at last:


Ryan groans weakly. "Can't move."

Brendon chuckles against his shoulder, snuggling into him deeper, sealing any remaining bits of their bodies that have managed to pry apart. "'S normal after your first time."

Ryan snaps his hips up, lazy and constricted under the weight, hipbones nonetheless digging into Brendon's waist in retaliation. "Or, you're squashing me. Asshole."

"Oh." Brendon rolls off, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry."

Ryan's smile beams bright when he sits up, leaning over Brendon to cup his face in one cuddle-warmed hand and kiss the corner of his mouth. "Don't be," he breathes hot into Brendon's ear. "I like you on top of me."

behindthec: (tomrad)
go read 'Cause None of Us Were Angels by [livejournal.com profile] atomichatred82. awesome. that's sort of the kind of realboy porn i wish i could write, for those who have been all "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE YOUR PORN?!"

exciting news: [livejournal.com profile] ivesia19 is going with me to see the cabbies on 4/18 AND fall out boy in atlanta the week after! \o/ EPIC. i so rarely meet LJ peeps IRL. anyone else going? we can form a coalition. or something.

random thanks to sophie for putting up with my emo. i love you.

i haven't written any of chapter 7. just a heads-up. i think i need a few days off. that was a lot of sex, and there's a lot more coming. lol. but you can has this, which will appear:

1 new message from the walkman
so who tops? spence adn i have a bet going. pls respond. love jon

i love how shameless he is. haven't decided the boys' response (if any). hey, i want some porn. get on that, internet. even if it's colin/william. (see twitter.) i wrote you lots of sex, now write me some. i know at least half a dozen of you who are in the midst of writing me some and always put it off. don't make me start naming names. :P

behindthec: (ryden.)
here, have a real one. :P

Ryan's hand slips on his back, the water too slick for gripping, and plunges six inches lower, landing just above the curve of Brendon's ass.  They're close enough that Brendon can feel when Ryan's breath hitches, the only warning he offers before slowly, smoothly pressing his hips forward, just an inch, just an inch enough.  Brendon's throat opens, defying permission, and a gasp slides out, sharp and betraying on his tongue.

(and no, they're not doing liquid yoga. HAHA.)

behindthec: (piano)
don't think this is gonna be up by thursday, but as always, i'll try.


"It does [suit you]," he says softly. "Chopin's kind of... sad, sometimes. Romantic without meaning to be... it's gentle, soft. Sometimes people don't realize how much there is to it because it's quiet, because it sounds nice, fades easily into the background. But there's a lot going on under the surface that you don't really see or feel until you play it."

He doesn't know where the words are coming from; maybe it's just music, a language on its own, separate from English, separate from the part of his brain filled with empty, human words, all the things he wants to say to Ryan and can't.

Maybe... maybe this says more.

"Music is everything to you, isn't it?" Ryan says without looking up.

Brendon blinks back a sudden prick behind his eyelids. "Not everything."
 
behindthec: (piano)
Ryan blinks, like the words bring him down from some elevated state, and he drags his eyes from the instrument up to Brendon's, absently shaking his head. "I haven't seen you play in years."

Brendon smiles. "That's 'cause I haven't played in years. Wasn't it obvious?"

Ryan just shakes his head again, silent, lips still parted, but there's nothing in his bright, wide eyes to suggest he's anything less than fully conscious, and Brendon finds himself blushing, as if caught in some unknown act.

"I want you to teach me," Ryan announces.

 
we've got a big event this week at work so idk if i'll have time to finish/post by thursday, but we'll see.  also i made a really bad cover of "after the last midtown show," the end.
 
behindthec: (ryden.)
"Not that kind of partners," Ryan huffs and scoots a full inch away from Brendon, just for effect. "Partner yoga can be really beneficial, especially if you're having trouble with certain postures."

Brendon pushes back into his space, curling a hand firmly around the book and peering down at the introductory text. "'In partner yoga, much attention is given to the importance of touch and intimacy.' ...Sounds like that kind of partners to me, man."

Ryan jerks his book away, serving Brendon with a dry glare before turning back to the page, pointing his index finger to a block of words. "'Some poses challenge your balance, strength and flexibility, others require your total trust and surrender. Each exercise and breathing technique uses the power of the partner dynamic to achieve more than one person could alone.' So there."

"Total trust and surrender..." Brendon nods thoughtfully. "Kinky."
 
behindthec: (flirting)
pccf: fighting to justify canon since 2009.

(from ch. 2. this will make more sense in context, but you can still appreciate.)



"Jesus. I thought the dumbest thing you'd ever done was getting folded into the pull-out sofa."

"Dude, no. The dumbest was when Travis dared me to shave my head and I did."

"...Oh yeah. You're a dumbass."

"Um, says the guy who once thought combining a faux-hawk with a mullet was the sweetest move ever."

"It wasn't a mullet, it was a fringe!"

"Whatever, redneck."

"Blow me."

"Sorry, I only get on my knees for drummers."
 

behindthec: (ryden.)
i was gonna save this for tomorrow, but hell. i have to share.  someone needs to write a pccf prequel.  it would have to be gen, but think of how much fun it could be, if it were chock full of redonk crap like this.  (this is a flashback, btw.)


He's surprised when it's an image that strikes him first, instead of music: last week's stoned rooftop sing-along, cabin tradition, weekly and non-negotiable. Brendon remembers Ryan's voice, slurred and giddy and warm in his ear as he'd lain on his side while Brendon sprawled out on his back, staring up at the stars as he belted "Across The Universe" at the top of his smoke-laden lungs. Ryan was trying to remember what the chant meant in translation; Spencer couldn't remember either. Jon did, but he was having more fun not telling. Brendon was having trouble remembering his own name, so he spent his energy inventing ridiculous translations including "I have a giant wang-doodle," earning him bonus points from Jon for a Willy Wonka reference. Ryan had laughed so hard he almost fell off the roof until Brendon caught hold of him, strong hands curled around his arms as they giggled in each other's faces, too close but never enough. With blown pupils zeroed in on Brendon's, Ryan had murmured, "Don't ever change," soft and secret, too quiet for the others to hear, before passing out in Brendon's arms, a smile still on his lips as he slept.

behindthec: (ryden.)
ch 1 should be up by... the end of the week?  meanwhile, have one of my favourite bits.  i can't decide which of them is more of a loser in this.  i'm having way too much fun.




"Whoa." Brendon takes a step back. "No. No way. You're not dragging me to your meditation group again. Last time I fell asleep and when I woke up some guy gave me a lecture about how I wasn't in tune with my third nipple or whatever."

"Eye, Brendon, third eye, Jesus Christ." Ryan rolls his eyes (all three of them, Brendon bets). "Would a little personal enlightenment really kill you?"

"Yes! I prefer to live in complete unawareness of my entire being."

"Well in that case, you're a master."

 
behindthec: (flirting)
in which colin reads you porn, shows off his panties, and has a spontaneous performancegasm while absolutely butchering a cover of bill's a cappella number. 
 
srsly.  this is the most embarrassing thing i've ever put online.  go watch it and make it worth my while.  rywalk teaser included.
 
also while you're there, check out the new video of my boss "singing" (it's labeled, most inventively, "emily 'singing'.")  i think i'm going to have to start a weekly series of these.
 
if you want something actually arousing, go orgasm over beckett's hand porn rubik's cube solving.  holy jesus fuck.
 
behindthec: (tomrad)
so like, whoa, my rywalk is almost done.  i really want to submit it for bandom big bang, just 'cause it'd be fun to say i've done it, but idk if my recycled flashback would disqualify me (you can't have posted any part of the story before); that one i used in PWF.  i left a comment asking the mods, so we'll see.

i sure hope teasers don't count as "posting" either because, here, have a teaser.  lolz.

"C'mere," Jon breathes before seducing a long, deep drag from the joint and leaning in toward Ryan, and Ryan tells himself it's the drug that makes it feel magnetic, like he's not even moving himself; but it's the two syllables, low and ragged from Jon's lips, that pull him in, and he wonders what other words Jon could say that would pull him in, further and further until he's inside and can't imagine wanting out.

last night i wrote the scene where they go to an empires show and i couldn't recall ever seeing tom be an actual person, like, on video, with a voice; so i spent the evening on the empires site/myspace and then youtubed some interviews, and can i just say, THEIR PRECIOUS LITTLE MIDWESTERN ACCENTS ARE PRECIOUS, THE END.  (becca is trying to convince me she sent me that interview ages ago; i have no recollection of this.)  i knew i was writing tom more... animated than he prolly is, but i'm just going to assume he's less painfully shy when he's durnk and around jon. ;)

in other news, [profile] livinglifeloud just managed to work my classic scrapped line ("come on, my ass isn't gonna fuck itself!") into the italy!fic she's writing for me, so there, you guys will have it after all.  \o/

behindthec: (bilvy)
from what i remember, i think a few of you are going to be at bilvy's show in atlanta on saturday. \o/ i've never met anyone from bandom IRL, so it'd be awesome if anyone wanted to meet or hang out. i'll probably be in standard concert attire: phantom planet hoodie with my mikey fuckin way shirt underneath, lulz. come say hi if you want!

now that pwf is over, i'm going to be getting back to the rywalk i started last summer. premise: ryan breaks up with keltie for independent reasons and goes to drown his sorrows with jon in chi-town. it'll be posted in 3 parts. here, have a snippet.  drunk ryan and jon are amazing.  and by amazing i mean stupid.

Know how I know you're gay? )

behindthec: (pwf - pants)
this is the worst i think i have ever allowed myself to look on camera. oh well. hangovers ftw.

i also discuss last night's drunken video that i refuse to share, as well as the perils of soft drinks.

behindthec: (pwf)
please don't get offended if i don't respond to comments; i love to read them but i'm trying to save my arms to write the actual chapter. <3  ILY guise.



Brendon pads across the floor to him, pressing himself gently against Ryan's back, arms encircling him, and rests his head against Ryan's shoulderblade.  It's only seconds before he feels Spencer creep up from behind and do the same to him, sandwiching Brendon between the two of them.  He feels their torsos shift as they take breaths, and it steadies his own, but he's sure Ryan can feel Brendon's heart pounding against his back.
 
And they're there, a frozen line of nerves three times over, until Ryan whispers, "Okay," and Spencer backs off first, then Brendon; pieces breaking off from an almost-whole, as Ryan shifts just enough to align one eye with the peephole.




(U C wat i did thar: it's not even the full chapter and i STILL leave you with a cliffhanger! XD)
behindthec: (pwf)
you guys are amazing.

18 teaser (see ch 9 opening flashback for ref):


Hannah considers this for a moment before turning to him with bright eyes.  "You can adopt me."
 
Brendon finds it in himself, somewhere, to smile.  "Don't you think your mom and dad would mind?"
 
"Oh, we don't have to tell them.  It'll be a secret."
 
Brendon promptly decides this is the peak opportune time to tickle her and blow raspberries on her tummy until she giggles loud enough to wake the dead -- or at least enough to drown out the jingle of Spencer's text until Brendon thinks to check it, nearly half an hour later.
 
meet me at ryan's house?

behindthec: (Default)
finally cut it.  myself.  with no clear objective of what i wanted.  i'm not quite sure what to make of it.  i have none left to hide behind!  also, pics of p33t.

HAIR AND P33T PICS (i'm all about no-nonsense cut text, okay) )

17 is coming.  teaser:


He blinks.  "I keep telling myself I'll figure it out."
 
[name withheld] nods, his eyes thoughtful as he directs them out to the water.  "It looks like you already have."


tendonitis flare-up update: still hurts, but improving slowly.
behindthec: (pwf)
"Once upon a time, the world ended..."

Brendon's voice rings through on cue; Jon's soft harmony creeps in, and Ryan fumbles with the remaining three strings on the guitar, but it's enough to lead them through the basics of the melody.  It's unusual, their style now; musically independent of specific influences; closer, maybe, to their original sound, with bizarre, all-over chord progressions -- but overall softer, more intense somehow.  Despite the evolution, the rush of playing something new for the first time feels the same as ever, and Ryan clings to it.


[posting tuesday.]


behindthec: (piano)
so here's the deal.  as most of you know, i work for MDA (non-profit), and our office has had a tough year.  obv.  our office is only like $5k away from hitting budget (i.e. raising the amount we are assigned to raise) and you have no idea how fucking close that is, or how desperate we are to reach it.  so as an office we've "edited" one of our fundraising sites (it'll look funky since it wasn't designed for this) to send out to friends and family to try and reach our goal by december 31.
 
i hate solicitations like this as much as anyone, but just think, if everyone on my flist donated just ten bucks, that's $1,400.  jfc.  i'm not usually this invested in a job; we aren't even getting raises next year b/c of the economy, but i love this organization and i see every day how hard everyone works to fight against these 43 diseases, so this actually means something to me.
 
so, here's the link if you want to help.*  i'm only disabling comments b/c i don't want anyone to feel bad for like, NOT donating and feel obligated to explain why they can't.  no pressure; i just have to put the word out.
 
 
if we end up hitting budget, I WILL LET YOU ALL VOTE on what project i start after pwf.  so happy holidays! <3
 
pwf 14 tomorrow, looks like. \o/ teaser! )

 
*um, for those of you who didn't know, if you visit the site, "danielle" is my name in the real world.  bleh.  yeah.
 

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behindthec: (Default)
Colin

May 2009

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